tellin' you,

I'm drowning out,
I need a change.
'cause I don't really want to be here now.
Don't really want to be here now.

favthings

1. R-Patz hair on guys. Haha, who doesn't??!
2. Rolling up my pants/jeans and turning them cropped.
3. My black cowboy boots. They were not worth the three digit price but I love them. I wear them with practically everything. And they're surprisingly comfortable.
4. Guys with crooked smiles.
5. Miley Cyrus.
6. Rafi Gavron.
7. Lavender.
8. Reading other people's blogs.
9. Wedges, oxfords, canvas, sandals, boots.
10. Cut-outs in clothes. Especially back cut-outs.

in short

i. Enrollment appointment at Glendon. Bright and early at 8:45am! Six courses, let's go. I'm excited.
ii. "You're Mauritian aren't you?"
- "Yeah..."
~ "How do you know she is?"
"I just know.."
~ "Like by just looking at her...?"
"I saw her placement and then her last name. She's got three. So she's definitely Mauritian."
Haha. Highlight of my day. My YU card photo is sooooo bad...... oh well, stuck with it for another four.
iii. Congee Queen. Mmm turnips and chicken fried rice.
iv. We bought BunBun a harness and leash today. So I walked my rabbit like a dog. I cannot keep up with her. She cuuuuuute though.
v. Presently. Mood: Full and excited. Music: Shy - Ivory. Room/View: Bedroom/backyard. Next: Haagen Dasz ice cream.

Peace.

layers

LAYER 1: THE BASICS.

Name: Tatiana
Birth Date: May 26
Current Location: Toronto
Hair Colour: Odd shade of brown
Righty/Lefty: Lefty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: Losing something/someone.
Your dream of the perfect date: good food, good company, great spot. star gazing isn't that bad either :)

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: PANCAKES.
Your best physical feature: Lips, I guess. And sometimes my cheekbones when they decide to show themselves.
Your bed time: 10pm-12am
Your most missed memory: Childhood.

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coca Cola
McDonald’s or Burger King: McD's fries and BK whopper.
Single or Group Dates: Single.
Adidas or Nike: I don't really wear any. So none.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappucino.

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: Naaah b.
Cuss: Fuck fucking bitch asshole of a douchebag, FUCK YOU.
Take showers: No. Body odour forever.
Have a crush: Yes. Too bad I won't be seeing him like ever. Unless we coincidentally and conveniently happen to cross paths. It can happen! 'cause it did last year with someone else...
Like school: Yes
Believe in yourself: Sure.
Believe what goes around comes around: Karma
Believe everything happens for a reason: Not really... I'm an existentialist.
Think you’re a health freak: Hm, not overboard.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: Yes.
Been on stage: Grad stage, yeeeeeeyo.
Eaten sushi: Nope.
Been hurt: Nope.
Dyed your hair: Nope but I should get on that. My roots are showingggg.

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a game of strip poker: Totally.
Kissed the same sex: Nope
Changed who you were to fit in: Haven't we all?

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: 25-27.5 years. Haha.
Number of kids you’re planning on having: 3. And I'm good. Twins, even better.

LAYER 9: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: Reading shizz online
1 HOUR AGO: Petting my rabbit. Hahha
1 WEEK AGO: School, working on the grad slideshow.
1 YEAR AGO: Downtown Ottawa with J. Possibly watching K'Naan performing live @ Parliament Hill.

LAYER 10: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: bored and tired.
I HATE: being bored.
I HIDE: my shit.
I NEED: harem pants, more silver, more boots, JC wedges.
I LOVE: how almost every black person's reaction to knowing my name is this: "YO THAT'S A BLACK NAME! YOU'RE NOT EVEN BLACK." Hahaha first of all, it's Russian and second of all, technically yes I am. We're all from Africa :)

prom

was okay.

The music could've been way better.

bringiton

So ready.
Let's go.

BALL HARD

Today while I was surrounded by (literally and figuratively) hot and sweaty guys, enjoying myself, Toronto was near the end of the fucking world: WHAT THE F.
How dare you call yourself a "peacemaker"?

For someone who doesn't watch basketball on the regular, okay I'm lying, I never watch basketball, I actually had fun. Maybe because I have never in my entire life been in a room 90% filled with guys.
The games were intense.
I was score keeper. (They picked the wrong person, I don't know any of the rules and regulations) But thanks ref! :)

Now ten hours later, my elbows are on fire because I was holding the clipboard for too long.
And I'm hungry.

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on.

day 12

Maybe I'm defective because I can't and won't tolerate ignorance and exclusion.
That must definitely be it.
And when I used to genuinely give a shit, that only resulted in the impression of being dishonest.

cynical but learning

Waiting on your game
to send you to some other joy.
I'll pick you up and write you notes:
"Fancy meeting you here."

And don't you give up on me;
don't be like me 'cause you love me.

crossing paths

It's okay.

Just doing our thang in comm. tech. and we didn't feel the earthquake.
Hahaha.

I finished high school last Friday. Tell me why I'm at school everyday?!

Travis McCoy

Travie, you're a qt. Your facial expressions and laugh and smile are the best.

day 9 - someone i wish i could meet

Day 7 and 8 were omitted because 7 is non-existent and so is 8. Hence, day 9.


Dear Justin Vernon,

If we do ever meet, I would like to have a serious discussion about your solo albums and analyze all your songs with you. Maybe afterwards, you can treat me to a private concert or serenade. Whatever tickles your pickle :)

Love,
Tatiana

so many posts in one day

because I am so tired and have nothing to do.
Justin V is making me sleepy.
I don't want to nap.

I need a job.
Like honestly.

This post was useless, pointless, all over the place like my mind at the moment.
G'bye.

Move over

I'm like copper,
You're like shoeshine.
The best is yet to come, we've got a lot of time.
Alligators and armadillos,
couldn't stop me from getting in through your door.

So I return to you.

day 6 - stranger

Train. Around January.
Haven't seen you since. Hahah.

think before you open your mouth

Despite being fucking upset earlier,
I've gotten my shit together.

It wasn't technically my fault. So stop fucking reminding me or pointing it out.
I got over it awhile ago and I'm still coping.
It took me eight fucking years. EIGHT FUCKING HARD YEARS.
So, keep that fucking shit to yourself. I don't need to hear it.
It might be pointing out the truth but it hurts my fucking feelings.

day 5 - dreams

You haven't been giving me nightmares. So we're cool.
But if we are talking about dreams, then...
A good guy with some of my listed qualities or all (aha.), financially stable, good health, and happiness and shit.
Being plainly satisfied with my life would be enough.

Sitting in my room, looking out the window and Brighten's "I Lost Her" on repeat.
The sun is shining, I'm well alive and breathing.
That's all that really matters.

day 4 - sister

Despite your peskiness, you're okay. Kidding.
Thanks. :)

coast of maine

I'm listening to Ivory.
Hi Nathaniel Swokowski. Your 'stache doesn't look that bad, after all :)

Redemption

I'm at the wall.
Staring, looking up at the names.
Mistakes we've made.
- Vernon, J.

LAST!

My last Mary Ward exam, ever.
Life is good again.

Maybe I should say something.

Greetings.
Hi.
Hello.
Hey, just thought I'd let you know that you are attractive. Is that cool? Okay.

This shit always happens. Timing and I aren't friends.

day 3 - parents

They're great. Honestly.

No one's there (I don't care)

If they don't care, then why should I care?
I talk to myself when no one's there
I said to myself:
"No one's there, I don't care."
- Mansions.

day 2 - crush

Dear boy-in-glasses,

You're attractive and cute and whatnot. I am fond of you. (Haha)
Too bad I've noticed you a bit too late. This always happens.
Timing is everything, nawmean???
Anyway.

Sincerely,

The Graduating Girl.

day 1 - best friend

So the list thing on tumblr somewhere and I decided to do it.

Anyway..

~
Dear best friend,
Although we live miles apart in two different cities, we still manage to make our friendship last. It amazes me that we can make this work without seeing each other for at least a six month period of time. By the way, if you're reading this, text me sometime.

Lots of love,
Tati

FEF 4U1

"Studying" for this exam.
I am honestly going to miss this course and this class.
FRENCHIES4EVER!
Four frikken years.

D'awwww.

Oh hi Rafi.

This always happens

Hi, my name is Tatiana.
And you are?

(:

Easiest exam of my life.
Multiple choice? Fill in the blanks WITH words provided? Match the words?
Two short answer questions, both of which I know the answers to.

I definitely aced this exam.
Ninety percent, I see you!
Overall of 86? I'll take it, thanks.

Feeling all giddy and shit.
'cause you cuuuuuute.

Be mine

I'm really trying to study for my Religions du monde.
Then I got side-tracked.

Haha

I remember this.

C: What do you tell people now when they ask you where you're from?
Me: I tell them, "Mauritius. It's a small island near Madagascar".
C: And they still don't get it right?
Me: Hahah. Yeah they don't. "Madagascar? Like the movie?! IT'S AN ACTUAL COUNTRY!"
C: HAHAHA.
Me: Or they're just like, "Where is that?" Then I say, "It's in the Indian Ocean". Still don't get it.
C: I just tell them that I'm from Africa.
Me: Does that work?
C: Somewhat... but sometimes they're like, "YOU'RE FROM AFRICA?! SO YOU'RE AFRICAN?!"
Me: Hahah. I think we should just give up.
C: Yeah. Just tell them that we're from Africa. It's just easier that way.
Me: Deal.

sohard/trytobesomebody

You wreck and you run.

School

I will be officially done by June 18.
One ISP presentation, a portfolio, a final evaluation, and three exams, and I will be finished.

Two attractive guys for different reasons.

We both know who had the guts and balls in this situation.

In case you are still questioning yourselves:
me;
me;
and...

You get the point :)

Growing up

means accepting all the shit that's happened; the good and the shitty.

En passant, j'en ai. Et elles sont plus gigantesques que les tiennes :)

Re: sides

When I get into that land
I'll lead with the one who wears the crown
He will say I'm on your side;
the side that's kind.

I'm the sea and you're japan.

No. 1

I hate loud people on public transit.

Just shut the fuck up. I don't need to hear your conversations nor hear your off-tune singing voice.

just 'cause

I thought I should do this 'cause I have nothing better to do. Actually I do but that's besides the point.

A guy who is as tall as John O'Callaghan and as good looking as him or Rafi Gavron. Who has hair similar to John or hardly any hair at all like Rafi Gavron. I want a guy who's taller than me so when I wear heels I'm not a giant next to him. A guy who can accept my unusual habits and not laugh at them or me. Who is willing to learn Creole (broken French) so he can somewhat communicate with my extended family. Haha. A guy who will love Mauritian food. A guy who will sing with me or to me. A guy who will write me long e-mails or letters instead of short texts. But who will still send me texts that are short and sweet. A guy who has swagger like Rafi Gavron. Naw mean?! A guy who will let me blast Butch (motha fucking) Walker whenever I feel like it and sing along with me to "GET DOWN". A guy who will watch cheesy chick flicks and romantic comedies even though we both know how the ending will be. A guy who can look good even with a little bit of scruff like Nathaniel Swokowski. A guy who will NEVER grow a moustache like Nathaniel Swokowski. Ahaha. A guy who can make me laugh like Dan Levy on The After Show. A guy who can dress as well as Dan or like Bug (Rafi Gavron) on Life Unexpected.

Cute-funny like Justin Long.

But honestly, I just want Rafi Gavron.

The end.

trying to make sense of it

Sometimes I wish last year were this year because then you'd still be here.

So quiet

Like a whisper in a lonely town,
you brush it off, but it's so loud.

Amen

Be yourself and I promise people will enjoy it. And if they don't, forget them. - Mitchell Davis.

RE:

I will.

Ring out

This is tougher than I thought,
Holding you the grace I've caught,
'Cause you're made of everything I want, and I am wringing you out.

Despite:

You always follow through.
You always follow through.

Here's to:

eighteen years of living.

Days

The days are short and the nights are long
And it's all fucked up but we carry on,
Cause there's little else and there's nothing left to do.

-

I bought my shoes for prom over the weekend. They're black and beautiful. I'll be able to wear them again and again and again during the summer.
All black gladiator/open-toe wedges from Aldo. I wanted the "Belgium" knock-offs but they're $110. Money I don't have nor willing to spend. But when I saw these, I had to. Worth every penny of my $70. I'm still surprised at the fact that they fit my feet.

And:

13 units, 3 exams, and limited days to go until graduation.


I'm ready.

I have made mistakes today

So I hope you travel safe.
I hope you’re cool,
I hope you find your way
because it’s sounds like it is safe to say,
we disagree on one too many things.

Want/Need

via Fashion What?


via Google Images


"Belgium" by Jeffrey Campbell OAK


"Alexa" by Jeffrey Campbell

Almost everything

See it's gonna get lonely

:)

My grandparents are my world.
I love and will always love them.

Nothing more, nothing less;
they're all I need.

I missed hearing my grandpa whistle oldies around the house, particularly, What a wonderful world. I missed the ongoing sound of the sewing machine while my grandma sews.
It's all coming back to me now and I couldn't be happier.

Get down

So you had a lot of friends, big black Benz,
Rockin' like "Dokken" til the party ends.
Pink champagne, can't complain, everyone's there for you.
Messed up hair, messed up nose,
Cocaine habit that no one knows about.
Even thought the lies get told, everybody knows the truth.

Can ya get doooooown?

///
I don't know how many times I'm going to say this but...
for a 41-year-old man, Butch Walker, you are fiiiine.

Standin' on the whippgrass, see how it lasts

I actually thought it was you.

(WHAT!)

Just be good until then

Butch Motha fuckin' Walker, you're amazing.

L'important:

"L'essence précède l'essence." - Jean-Paul Sartre.

"Dans la vie on ne fait pas ce que l'on veut, mais on est responsable de ce que l'on est." - Jean-Paul Sartre.

"Ne pas choisir, c'est encore choisir." - Jean-Paul Sartre.

"L'homme n'est rien d'autre que ce qu'ils se fait." - Jean-Paul Sartre.

"On peut en savoir plus sur quelqu'un en une heure de jeu q'uen une année de conversation." - Platon.

"L'essentiel n'est pas de vivre, mais de bien vivre." - Platon.

"Y a-t-il pour toi un plaisir plus grand et plus vif que le plaisir des choses de l'amour?" - Platon.

~

Jean-Paul Sartre et Platon sont incontestablement mes philosophes préférés. (Bien entendu depuis que j'ai pris le cours de philosophie l'année dernière.)

For once,

the weather is screaming summer.
I'm loving it.

On another note, my day consisted of baking chocolate cookie Duncane Hines mix, walking to the park, and playing with my bunny wabbit.

But seriously, Bunbun must've been on some type of narcotic today. She binky'ed like crazy.

I'm talking like this:

Haha Bailey is so cute.

Alone

And my eyes go red
And my skin goes warm.
And at the end of the night
I'm just cryin' in my bed.

Some call it sick.
Some call it pain.
Some just laugh at it.
But honey, it's like the rain.
It's like when thirsty
And there's none in the well.
~ Justin Vernon.



Dear Mr. Vernon, you are amazing beyond words.

Woods

I'm up on in the woods. I'm down on my mind. I'm building a still, to hold down the time.

Enough

I'm tired;
done;
fed up with this shit.

Oh hey, in a month I'll be eighteen.
May 26.

Be human

Just what I needed.
:)

You:

You have my attention
Like you’ve had all the while.
Since that first day when you made my heart smile
With loving eyes and tired sighs that flow.
You have my attention.
- Copeland

Monday

It's Family Day today, public holiday. Not that it matters 'cause I am not going to school tomorrow anyway... or the day after that and so on.

But anyway, life is great despite being temporarily crippled.

All I need is the light shining through the sheer curtains, a bowl of Stonyfield Farms Vanilla yogurt, playing solid games of UNO with my younger sister, and the sound of my mother cooking in the kitchen. Je t'aime maman! :)

Stonyfield Farms yogurt is the best. Delicious and it tastes like whipped cream, except it's healthier! Try it with strawberries or any kind of berries. Healthier alternative for whipped cream. Must-try!

Hope the sun is shining wherever your are. :)

Reminiscence

The song that reminds me most of the 90's:
Have you ever really loved a woman? by: Bryan Adams.

That song played everywhere I was. Blasting through the stereo speakers at my grandparents' house. My mom used to play it continuously.

Bryan Adams, you are (still) amazing.

I'm not gonna lie, I'll probably choose one of his songs as my "first dance" at my wedding, are we cool with that future husband? Hahaha.

Results

Nothing is broken. It's just a huge sprain...

My foot is swollen up like a balloon. It is so freaking scary.

Marvelous

I sprained my foot today, during third period.
Tripped over my own school bag, and hurt my left foot. It hurts like a bitch. GUARANTEED.
I can't walk, at all.

I went to get an x-ray though. Results are pending.

I'm now residing in the living room. Probably going to sleep here too.

Hopefully all is well in everyone else's world.

- Tatiana

Christmas Eve

No parties,
no nothing.

Mass later and opening presents.

But it's the first Christmas in our new house and that's all that matters.

:)

Hope everyone's having a grand Christmas Eve.

HOLIDAZE

People should really shovel their part of the sidewalk. Do they need a reminder? I hate slush in my boots.

I need new boots, apparently one boot decided to have a hole somewhere I'm not aware of.

Done, done and way done.

Worst lie

I am done with your shit.

Life happens.

Life like this

Moving in 4 days. (But who's counting? Ha.) Haven't packed any of my things yet. Saturday's gonna be the death of me... I'm excited, a little sad, but new beginning in time for the New Year and Christmas.

My room is painted, new floors, new everything.

I can't wait to sit down on the couch read some of my new coffee table books with a cup o' tea in hand. (:

And December means Christmas which means decorated houses, Christmas lights, trips to the mall just for the decorations (haha).

Life is great.

~
Christmas lights are here,
shining on you my dear.

Sick

I've been sick since Wednesday afternoon.
I hate having to suffer through the flu. Body aches, head aches, pain, no appetite, fever, the list goes on and on...

I haven't eaten a real meal in forever. I can't even hear about food, it makes me nauseous. I can't even bare to look at restaurant and/or fast food chain commercials. Stupid medicine makes me nauseous.

I just had French toast for lunch. Haha.
And I've eaten six oranges in the span of two days. I've lost count on how many times I had to go pee.... Drinking so much water, it's insane.

I've also been hibernating in my parents' room. Away from everyone in the house because they're all health conscious. "Put your mask on!" OH. MY. GOSH.

At least I have a T.V., but that really doesn't help. There's barely anything interesting on, like AT ALL.

I hate being stuck in this room. I need oxygen... I need to go outside... Right now.


xo,
Tatiana

Freaky-dicky

Photographes 1, 2, 3 & 4: by me.
Où? Casa Loma

Photos taken in September, on a recent visit to the castle.
While editing these, I felt in a creepy mood. Ha. Besides, the photos were creepy without editing.

xo,
Tatiana

Sweet

Photo: FASHION, WHAT?

Can't wait 'til I can try this do. I hate waiting...

Day off

I realize I'll only be at school 3 days out of 4 this week considering the day off this Friday. So, I took a day off today stayed home with Papa and the sick sister.

French debate yesterday was intense, hard, but we managed.... to lose. I honestly believe we did an awesome job, we actually tried. I started to convince myself that our team was right. All in the head, yo.

~*~


Source: Watch Mojo
GUESS WHAT? Yesterday I succeeded at French braiding my bangs as a full-on headband, L.C. style. I was super excited, you have no idea.
My hair is tied in a bun, my bangs are French braided. I'm liking this look. An excuse for not washing your dirty hair but still look fresh. Haha.

I know it's growing, but it's taking so long. Like, you know it has grown but not enough to fulfill your satisfaction.
My last haircut was a dee-ZASS-ter. I've got haircutting phobia now.
I'll be content once it reaches above the boobage area. And even more so, if it reaches below. Ha!
Maybe in three months? You better grow fast, hair. I want you to look decent for prom. So I can dye you two or three shades lighter.
It took the whole summer, plus September to grow out (nicely).
The last and only time I had long hair was grade 7.

~*~


Bluenotes

Getting these babies as a house-warming gift. I'll be using them as slippers :)

Off to do or try to, this reflexion for Les Religions du Monde.
I'm really not liking this..

Yours,
Tatiana.

I'll sing you a song

"If I am a clock
Then you are the time
I'm patiently waiting
When you're out of line
And I'll be the question
If you'll be the answer."
- Not A Second to Waste; A Rocket to the Moon

~
To you: Hello again.
&
To you: Hello.

New house

We will start moving in exactly a month and I am beyond excited.

I am not going to miss hearing sirens every so often from ambulances, police cars or fire trucks. Or the bus stopping and going.
I'm not going to miss stopping at Midland/Lawrence after school and being bombarded with the most annoying and obnoxious teenagers alive.
GOODBYE BENDALE AND MARY THOMPSON, WE'RE GOING TO BE A BLOCK APART, chyeeeahh.
see yuh, don't wanna be yuh.

When November 27th will be around the corner, I can only hope we'll be settled a week after that.

My own room, overlooking the pool.
An attic.
A pool.

AN ATTIC!
Note that I was more excited about the attic than the pool.
Haha..

Can't wait.

The weather is rainy, cloudy, grey and disgusting.
I semi-hate it, semi-enjoy it. I only truly enjoy my bus rides in this kind of weather. Everyone is quiet. To themselves. Thinking and pondering and contemplating on past choices, future choices or what's for dinner? or how delicious that panini bread was for lunch. We're all in our own world, our brains functioning, our minds wandering.
Even the passengers I see getting on who's presence I really dislike, tend to remain silent. (Thank God.)
Friends have their earphones on, music of their preference playing. They listen, absorb it all and watch the world go by until one of them has to get off and they say their goodbyes.

Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago and Blood Bank will be the soundtrack of my autumn and winter days. Always.

Everything that happens is from now on.
This is pouring rain,
this is paralyzed.
Bon Iver

I miss you, Summer pt. I

I miss the boardwalk,

and watching the sky, the water and people pass by.

I miss the feeling of sand stuck in your shoes, between your toes, rough and gritty.

I miss this.

I miss the saturated, bright blue summer sky the most.

I am

so overwhelmed with joy right now, you have no idea.

:)

There's pull to the flow

Au milieu de nulle part. Milton.
~
In the middle of nowhere. Milton

Apple picking from two weeks ago at Andrew's Scenic Acres.

It won't be long, my darling

Aldo Shoes
If I were to buy platforms, or any type of shoe with a heel, these would be my next purchase.
There's a zipper on the side which you obviously can't see on this picture, but I am in love.


Aldo Shoes
These have to be my next purchase. Fingers crossed.

Back to reading The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards and listening to Bon Iver in the background.

Too bad

Not even a "Hey, how's it going?". And never had a chance to say, "I'm good, thanks. What are you up to now?"
Small talk would've been nice.

But that's okay. It was still nice to see you again.

~

I walked in the pouring rain today.
There is absolutely no point in using an umbrella when the wind can ultimately break it.
I was impatient waiting for the first bus to come.
So I walked. And I got to my second stop, a block away, before the bus.
That five minute walk did me some good.

And isn't it amazing how sometimes you have your iPod on shuffle and the perfect song comes on for the scenario you're in. Like the perfect fitted blazer. Or the dress that slips right on like a glove. And how your jeans are extra loose, the way boyfriend jeans are supposed to fit. Milk and cookies. Pen and paper. That kind of perfection.

My point is: Thunder by Boys Like Girls came on and I was like, hellll yeeeahhhhh. No f-ing way. And in that moment I was happy even though the song was sort of sad and the weather was depressingly grey and the rain was cold.
But I was still happy.
Happy as a clam.

Because it fit.

First day of October

I pulled out my former winter coat today. The one I can't use in the winter without wearing three layers. It's my fall coat now I suppose.
Although I absolutely hate cold weather, there's something comforting about wearing layers of clothing. You're wrapped in soft fabric and you're warm. I feel like a pillow or something of that sort. It's the most comfortable feeling.
The leaves are changing colours. Transforming into shades of red, orange, yellow and brown. They were once fully clothed in beautiful green and now are becoming naked. The weather is cold and windy. I don't like wind on a cold day. I hate autumn but I love its colours.

I'm currently reading The Flying Troutmans by Miriam Toews for my English ISP. I am enjoying it a lot.

Well, I should get back to reading if I plan (or in my case, need to) finish it by Monday.
And back to note taking and analyzing.

"If along the way, something is gained, then something will be lost." - Toews, Miriam.

man

There's this man who lives in my condominium building and whenever I see him, he looks sad. Lonely and quiet and depressed. He spends his days sitting on a bench outside the building and slowly chain-smoking cigarettes. Sometimes after a smoke, he'll sit on the couch in the lobby and ponder about life. He watches the occasional passing cars and people. He seems to be waiting for someone or something to come by. Patiently sitting there but impatiently waiting. He looks miserable. He dresses himself in flannel shirts, in mostly too big clothes and wears beat up sneakers.

One day, while driving by the plaza on Kennedy and Lawrence, opposite of the Shoppers Drug Mart, I saw him searching through the plastic bags of clothing donations. The ones that were placed outside the drop box because it was filled up to the top. For him, it must've been ordinary to be hunting for clothes this way. A million thoughts and questions awoke at that point and I was left with unanswered questions.

I can't imagine how he pays the rent every month. Or how he manages to survive physically but particularly emotionally. He doesn't look healthy neither does his state of mind.

Despite his bizarre behaviour, I've seen him happy once before. He shaved that day, cleaned himself up a bit. He pulled out the only suit he had out of his closet. Black. A crisp, ironed dress shirt. White. A nice pair of black dress shoes. His eyes were alive. He was awake. And a smile was painted on his face. I wondered where he was going that day. Perhaps he was off to a job interview, my mother said. Seeing him this happy triggered a sense of hope in me. Maybe in the near or far future, he could be this happy every day.

However, the next day, he was at the same spot, sporting the same red flannel shirt he usually wears. And he was no longer alive. He was dead.

I can't help but feel sorry for him. I don't think it's the kind of pity you feel when you see a homeless person roaming around the streets and uttering words to themselves or begging for money because they have nothing. Absolutely nothing. No, it's something entirely different. It's more like sincere pity. It's earnest. True. Heartfelt.

Take, take your breath away

I've been listening to the Love Drunk album on repeat. Not a disappointment.

Favourite song to...
Blast when driving: Love Drunk
Listen to while riding the bus: Two is Better than One
Bang your head to: Contagious

Seventeen forever

We were seventeen and invincible,
had the world figured out
and the girl on my shoulder
told me "Everything's gonna be all right
and everything's gonna be all right."

Yeah, maybe we were in high school
But you never see the ending
When you're young and not pretending

~
This song pretty much sums everything up for me at the moment.

Re: If I only had the heart

two months ago,
i thought that i'd never see you again. or at least not for awhile.
so i've learned to accept that.

(last week)
but in the span of a week, i've seen you twice.
in two consecutive days.
at the same place.

and i am quite uncomfortable at the thought of me being overjoyed being in the same parameter as you.
we have never spoken a word to each other before,
that explains why i am a little creeped out.

see you around, L.

as of late

the weather is a disappointment. i wish for more sunny days, warm days, hot as hell days rather than cold and windy and cloudy.

~
i watched part of Chapter 27 today. Chapman was a psycho fellow.

over the summer

my once straight hair naturally turned wavy. it wasn't pinstraight but it was still straight. but i'm liking the change. and i grew out my hair from its awkward/hideous state.
i got inspired, motivated, whatever you want to call it, at j's and wished my usb was with me so i could keep on writing. haha. pathetic.
captured almost every waking moment through a camera lens.
jessi cruickshank, dan j levy, whassupppp!
nicole holness, daryn jones, paul the intern, SHEENA the racist, whassssup. haha. love sheena. "being accepted by people!" haha.
i bought a vintage bike for 35 dollars at a garage sale. i love him. i named him cream soda.
i did lots of bicycle riding and walking.
i lived in my sandals and birkenstocks.
i watched the time traveler's wife and was not disappointed at all.
i watched the goods and found it to be short but funny. "nobody told me that making love was so..... boring." "STOP IT. HE'S TEN!" hahah.
i took a swim in a nasty looking, sepia coloured, dirty lake in over 30-degree weather. it was hot as hell.
i searched for the backpack back and forth and at last, found it at a decent price. except the storeowner wouldn't let me pay with no tax which was a bit of a disappointment.
i tasted pie from wanda's pie in the sky at kensington. it wasn't the best pie. i hate sour cherries. and never get frozen yogurt from blue banana. dégueux.
i had the greatest two weeks with my best friend.

+ more..

Tea on the balcony

Maman et moi.

L'autobus

Elle était là devant moi, assise comfortablement dans sa poussette dans un autobus. Ses yeux bleues pales brillaient comme des étoiles. Elle était belle, mignone, si mignone. Son regard, sérieux et à la même fois, curieux, me faisait sourire. Elle ressemblait à une poupée parfaite. Une création de Dieu qui a été vraiment fabriquée avec élégance et précision. A mon avis, elle était la plus belle créature humaine que mes yeux ont jamais vu.

Tout à coup, elle fonça ses sourcils et ça, mesdames et messieurs, c'est ce qu'on appelle le regard fatal d'un bébé.

Elle ne cessait de me regarder, ses yeux fixés sur mon visage et les miens de même sur la sienne. Je ne voulais pas sortir de l'autobus. Je voulais rester là pour un bon bout de temps.

Mais hélas, le chauffeur s'était rendu à ma destination et j'ai du descendre.

C'est la vie (à l'instant)

Book.
Bright Shiny Morning.

Location.
Ottawa.

Environment.
Small, warm and surrounded by the best people.

Mood.
Happy as a clam.

Routine.
Day.
Wake up brush-and-bathe p'tit déj and wherever we feel like going.
Night.
Dinner movie book and good night's sleep.

Days remaning.
Four.

Days passed by.
Four.

First time away from home all by my lonesome and I am surviving to say the least.