JEFFERSON STREET

She said, "Laugh all you can but you're never going to see these people again."

You were right.

So I was thoroughly convinced that I had a NATS test tomorrow. I wrote my notes and I panicked because there was so much shit to remember. 19 pages of notes and hours later, I find out that it's next week! I rejoiced.

Let this be a lesson learned that I should study all week long.

:)

+ In an interview, Jonnie said he liked philosophy and hated cats.
We are officially even more compatible, haha.

THE MAINE x THE BURIED LIFE

My life is complete :)

December's not far

The only thing that is motivating as of late: Christmas (break).

Let's get the hell out of class. Let's get rid of assignments and tests/exams.
Instead, let's go downtown and take in the festivities and Christmas lights and decorations. Let's go see happy people.

lately

I've had a lot of pleasant encounters with great people.

Like I said, good things do come in once you eliminate all the unnecessary shit.

On a side note: I think girls with dreads are exceptionally beautiful. I'm jealous.

DEAD ANCHOR - BLOG

I decided to make a "fashion/photo/inspiration" blog, like finally got around to it.

So if you want to check it out: DEAD ANCHOR.

I wanted to separate my personal blog from other things :)

FACT

In this city, the only "family" I have are well, my family members. Us four against the world. Then there are family friends and one (real) family. The only people we can count on.

(Dysfunctionality at its best.)

At the end of the day, we only have each other. And it's sad that my family lives continents away. I love and miss them dearly. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am very family oriented. Whenever they come visit, saying goodbye is the hardest part.

We have to live in the same country again. In the same city.

Thank you for an unforgettable summer. Thank you for the forever memories and overall great moments. Thank you.

Note to self:

Be rational. Don't yearn after pleasures or desires. Rather, rational desires. Don't avoid your problems - don't live in denial. Learn to accept all the wrongs that have or are currently happening to you.

God, I love philosophy.

Douglas Booth

:)

All the fucking time

I meet someone. I genuinely like them as a person because they seemed congenial and pleasant. But I later find myself disappointed because they don't put the effort into the friendship.
I'm always the one who has to contact them first. I'm always the one to make plans and the list goes on and on and fucking on.

I'm tired of this shit. So I told myself that I didn't even need this SHIT in the first place and consequently, I stopped all communication with those people.

It's fucking liberating.

The process of elimination is not only fulfilling but better things come in. I promise you that. Because contrary to my strong belief that people in this city and country are selfish and ignorant, there are actually other people out there who prove this theory wrong.

But nothing can beat childhood friends. They last longer than you expect.

EDIT: 3:30pm
I moved to the window "benches". My ass hurts like a mother fucker. But on the plus side, I finished the introduction to my philo paper :)

-
Why isn't there any fucking spot to "work" in the student lounge, after 12pm?
It's ridiculous.

I'm sitting on the cold, hard floor instead, just waiting for 4 o'clock to magically and rapidly appear.

Priorities

If you're a single mother raising a toddler and working a job that is barely sustainable for the both of you, having an iPhone 4 should not be a priority in your life.
Why would you sacrifice more than half of your month's salary for a piece of technology that you could have lived without? Not only that, but a monthly plan for an iPhone is ridiculously expensive.
So you settle for a New York Fries poutine that isn't even fulfilling, when you could have bought a real meal.
What's more important?

Some things will always bottle my mind.

Penny loves Kenny traffic boot

After months of searching and saving, I finally bought a pair of combat inspired boots at Winners. They're studded and black and mineral/acid wash-esque and they're beautiful. They were $90 but worth every penny.

:)

I scored over the class average on the last test and apparently "mon devoir était excellent".
You don't understand how much this means to me. I feel slightly less stupid!!

My day was just amazing :D

By taking trips on the public transit, you will meet the different types of people on this Earth.

For instance, today, I encountered a group of assholes. They are actually really obnoxious and ignorant. WHO KNEW?!

Be here now

Don't let your heart get heavy child,
Inside of you there's a strength that lies.

Ray Lamontagne

Is it weird that I find him crazy attractive? 'cause God damn, he is.
Maybe because he has a voice of an angel. Haha.

lesson learned

I wanted to work on my philo paper before class considering that I have an hour and a half to spare, but alas, I forgot the fucking instructions at home. WASTE OF TIME.

~
Now you act so surprised
To hear what you already know.
And all you really had to do was ask,
I'd have told you straight away.
All those lies were truth
And all that was false was fact.

Day 22 - Something that upsets me

When people are ignorant. When people are impersonal. When people give up on me without even fucking trying.
When I put effort into someone and that same effort is not reciprocated. When people need you for one specific time and forget about you when they don't need you.

letitbeME

If it's a friend that you need, let it be me.


I can live off Ray Lamontagne and Justin Vernon forevereverandevereverever.

NTS: you saw him again today, you melted, you revelled, and you should stop. Or just talk to him.

The winter months will only last for awhile

And when I die
I hope my soul doesn't go on and fly;
I hope it just stays right here.
Looking up into the sky
'Cause I know where I'm gonna die

And if I was God,
This isn't even something I could create.
~ "The Lake" by Deyarmond Edison

This is what I think about from time to time. And my mind wanders to even bizarre places.

My morning class was tolerable today. Maybe because we finished thirty minutes earlier! Ha.

I'm loving how there's classical music playing in the lounge area on the second floor...

Anyway, back to finishing this redaction pour demain.

Day 27 – My favourite place

It depends on my days but I have a few:

5. The Beach - Summer days spent walking on the sidewalks and window shopping and ice cream eating. I love it there! :)
4. Pier 1 Imports/Home Sense - Browsing beautiful house decors is one of my favourite hobbies.
3. Loblaws supermarket - the one near Scarborough Town Centre. I love grocery shopping there!
2. Chapters & Starbucks - books and delicious beverages.
1. My house - I love spending lazy weekends in my bedroom, listening to music, browsing the internet or watching movies.

INCROYABLE

We thought we were going to get the other prof come winter... FALSE INFORMATION AND FALSE HOPE.
She's pregnant. Meaning, she's probably leaving on maternity leave which would explain why we WILL NOT get her : (
You can't imagine what happened during the last hour and a half of class. We drowned in disappointment and sadness and anger.

I know it's not in my nature to say that it's a professor's fault for a student's low marks, but in this case, it is. She's strict on marking, it's ridiculous. Our class average is 60%. Can you guess MY average?!

Fuck this shit. Let it all be over.

But at least I'll have fridays off in the winter.

it's alright, it's okay - nothing wrong with the day

Morning - JD Vernon

Ain't got nothing but good people in here with good cheer.


Today on the bus ride to class, this song came on and it was the first time I heard it.
I updated my iPod last night with Justin Vernon's older project: JD Vernon. So today, I decided to put it on shuffle. And in the beginning of this song, I thought, "This is fucking good" and then came the hip-hop/rap circa 80s feel and my jaw fucking dropped.

I wanted to burst out laughing because it caught me off guard. In a good way though. In really good way. It was the perfect moment, timing, whatever, for me to have listened to it for the first time.
Needless to say, Justin Vernon made me fucking smile. He did.
:)

30 day challenge of 30 day challenges

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is: Single life is great.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years. - Married and in love and possibly having a baby on the way...
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol. - I don't dig it that much. There's just a certain amount of alcoholic beverages I can tolerate.
Day 04 - Your views on religion. -I believe in God. And different things from various religions. I wouldn't call myself a "typical
Catholic" 'cause I'm not. So I guess I'm an open-minded Catholic... if that makes sense.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life. - NEVER.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself. - i) I can the play the piano but I haven't played in a REALLY long time. ii) Tatiana is Russian for "fairy queen" and many people question why an oriental descent girl (i.e. me) has a Russian name. My mom kind of loved it. iii) I used to dislike my name but it grew on me. iv) I listen to Justin Vernon's many projects on the regular: Bon Iver, Deyarmond Edison (!!!!!), Gayngs, his self-record... v) I love, LOVE, love Nathaniel Swokowski's singing voice. It's beautiful and sounds like I'm in heaven. vi) I like "bearded"/"scruffy" men. A lot. vii) I dig french boys trying to speak English. It's adorably sexy. viii) I am left handed. ix) I have a Holland Lop rabbit named Bunbun. I bought her in March of this year and she was already named Bunbun, so we didn't want to give her an identity crisis by changing her name. x) I believe in reincarnation. xi) But I also believe in the after life. xii) My favourite drink would definitely have to be WATER H2O baby. xiii) One Tree Hill and Life Unexpected are my favourite shows. I've been a dedicated fan since the FIRST EPISODE ever aired on WB (what the CW was called then) :D ixx) I have a 13-year-old sister. We look nothing alike. xx) I do not resemble my father or my mother. I look adopted. xxi) When it was time for me to go to school at 5 years old, I wanted to go to this French private school so bad and I begged my parents. We fought hard, back and forth, until I was guaranteed a spot. It took us 2 years but I did manage to get in! xxii) I watched the original Exorcism movie. I almost shit bricks. We watched it during the day, with the curtains wide open. Hahah. xxiii) I don't like scary/horror movies. xxiv) I loved 500 days of summer. xxv) I love The Buried Life! :) xxvi) I don't have Facebook (anymore). It's always been an on-and-off, back-and-forth debate for awhile, until I finally decided to deactivate my account in March of this year. Or maybe earlier, it's been too long to remember. xxvii) I love poutine. xxviii) I drink a lot of tea. ixxx) I don't even know if I'm using this roman numerals correctly. xxx) I like roaming in Pier 1 and Home Sense.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality. - I'm a Gemini and I think so.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life. - When I finally became fluent in English.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like. - Great, amazing.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss. - I'll let you know, when I'll know.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day. -
*BANG* The alarm buzzed @ 5:53am.
*BANG* Got to school @ 7:25am
*BANG* Studied until 9am
*BANG* Took my psych exam at 9am
*BANG* Finished my exam at 10:40am
*BANG* Got home at 11:40am
*BANG* Ate my shredded BBQ chicken salad.
*BANG* Caught up on The Buried Life.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit. - I'd like to visit Europe, Australia, USA (in all its entirety, even Alaska and Hawaii) and uh basically the whole world. I would love to live in Greece or Paris or LA or NY or Montreal for a year. .
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music. - Annoying as hell, especially on 99.9 Virgin Radio. Airplanes and Dynamite and Love the you lie and oh my gosh, kept playing throughout the ENTIRE FUCKING SUMMER nonstop, 100 times a day. ANNOYING.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year. - Highs: graduating, getting into Glendon, my grandparents' presence at my graduation, my family's visit to TO, travels to Georgian Bay. Lows: Being deceived.
Day 18 - Your beliefs. - I just told ya about my view on religion.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents. - I was raised not to do that.... so yeah. Hahaha.
Day 20 - How important you think education is. - If you wanna go places, then yeah.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows. - OTH! Life unexpected! Lizzie McGuire! That's So Raven! Boy Meets World! SMART GUY!!!
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years? -Yes, definitely. I became more outgoing, less shy/timid/reserved.
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive. - Rafi Gavron, Zach Gilford, Penn Badgley, Justin Long, The Buried Life guys (they count as one, haha)
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about. -As of late: 500 days of summer
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why. - Philosophie prof because he's so awesome. Like honestly.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you. - Kindhearted, funny, great smile, great hair, caring, ya knoww
Day 27 - A problem that you have had. - Asthma
Day 28 - Something that you miss. - Childhood
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days. - Assignments and possibly more studying. Ugh.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month. - The highs: Weekends and Christmas decorations up everywhere. Lows: My uncle's leaving and assignments

Day 18 – My favourite birthday

would be 10th birthday.

It was bittersweet because it was not only a celebration but a departure and farewell. I received the news a couple of weeks prior to our departure that I would be leaving what I called home, Mauritius, my beautiful little island, forever. When my circle of friends and classmates were aware, we suddenly became closer. I remember my friend, Aurélie, brought this kitten we found in the schoolyard to the party and she kept it. I had a turtle cake.
I miss those types of friendships.
I miss my childhood the most and my grandparents' house.
I loved that house so much and that day and the people I was with. It was great.

Two weeks or so later, we jetted off to Europe. First stop: Paris, France.
Afterwards, we headed to different parts of France to visit some family.
Then, we went to Vienna, Austria, for a week or so.

The Social Network

The movie was so good. Amazing.

It might've been one of the greatest inventions of mankind, but it's also capable of destroying us. Human beings are not living according to their functionality anymore: to socialize (in person). Instead, they're hiding behind computer screens, stalking/creeping on friends, families, strangers.

Its ability to turn you into a curious and creepy mother fucker, is disconcerting. I'm just saying.
But apparently 500 million other people beg to differ.
And I'm not one of them.

I will admit that I was revelled to see you today even for a quick second.

You know right after seeing something/someone by surprise, there's this short moment of joy that takes place?
Yeah.

I've become accustomed to starting conversations with strangers lately and I'm proud of myself.
I grew up being socially challenged/awkward and extremely timid. When I was a child, I used to hide behind my parents or cling on to them wherever we went. I barely talked or opened my mouth. Socializing was so foreign to me.
Even asking for information from a store clerk appeared to be an impossible task. Or just talking to my extended family was difficult.

Not anymore.

Good fucking job, Tatiana.

Anyway, this week I have three tests to write. I did one today. I have one on wednesday and friday.
I'm probably going to Starbucks tomorrow and hibernate and study for the psych exam on wednesday.
Peppermint mocha, yummm.

survey ting

Long Survey About Yourself Created by bleedwithoutreason and taken 482871 times on Bzoink
What time are you starting this?:	605pm
Name?:	Tatiana
Nicknames?:	Tati
Date of birth?:	May 26
Sex?:	F
Height?:	5"5' - 5"6' I'm not sure
Eye color?:	Brown
Where were you born?:	Mauritius
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?:	18
Pets?:	Holland Lop rabbit named Bunbun
Hair color?:	Dark brown
Piercings?:	None
Town you live in?:	Scarborough
Favorite foods?:	Italian, Greek
Ever been to Africa?:	Mauritius is PART of the African continent so technically, I've lived in Africa. Haha.
Been toilet papering?:	Huh?
Love someone so much it made you cry?:	Lol not yet buddy.
Been in a car accident?:	No.
Croutons or bacon bits?:	Croutons
Favorite day of the week?:	Fridays, Tuesdays, Thursdays.
Favorite resturant?:	I don't have one. But I love Harry's.
Favorite flower?:	Daisies
Favorite sport to watch?:	I can tolerate soccer.
Favorite drink?:	Water. Seriously. I NEED to have my water bottle with me everywhere I go.
Favorite ice cream flavor?:	Pistachio.
Warner Bros. or Disney?:	Disney
Favorite fast food restuarant?:	Harry's, the ultimate "fast food" restaurant. It's not a franchise though.
Carpet color in your bedroom?:	It's hard wood oak baby.
Whom did you get your last email from?:	Emily
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?:	That's a good one. Um, H&M, UO, Anthropologie, Zara, Holt Renfrew... endless possibilities.
What do you do most often when you are bored?:	Watch tv
Most annoying thing to say to me?:
Bedtime?:	10pm
Favorite TV show?:	One Tree Hill, Life Unexpected, Hellcats, Degrassi
Last person you went out to dinner with?::	My family
Been out of country?:	Yes
Believe in magick?:	No
Ford or Chevy?:	None
What are you listening to right now?:	Bon Iver
Have you ever failed a grade?:	Nope
If you have, what grade did you fail?:
Do you have a crush on someone?:	Yes
Do you have a bf/gf?:	No
If so, what is their name?:
How long have you been together?:
What are you wearing right now?:	Jeans, flannel shirt, moccasin slippers
Would you have sex before marriage?:	Sure
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?:	No
Are you a virgin?:
Do you smoke?:	No
Do you drink?:	Sometimes
Are you ghetto?:	Lol what the hell
Are you a player?:	No
What are your favorite colors?:	Mint/jade/sea foam/blush/ivory/creme
What is your favorite animal?:	Elephants
Do you have any birthmarks?:	Yes
Who do you talk to most on the phone?:	I don't talk on the phone
Have you ever been slapped?:	No
Do you get online a lot?:	Never... Since the beginning of this year.
Are you shy or outgoing?:	Both
Do you shower?:	Lol yes
Do you hate school?:	No
Do you have a social life?:	Right now, it's growing. Considering the amount of work I have to do, I think it's best I don't have one right now. Hahha.
How easily do you trust people?:	Not now.
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?:	Sure
Would you ever sky dive?:	Yeeees
Do you like to dance?:	Sure
Have you ever been out of state?:	Yes.. out of province.
Do you like to travel?:	Yesyesyes
Have you ever been expelled from school?:	No
Have you ever been suspended from school?:	No
Do you want to get out of your hometown?:	No
Are you spoiled?:	No
Are you a brat?:	No
Have you ever been dumped?:	No
Do you like snapple?:	No
Do you drink a lot of water?:	YES
What toothpaste do you use?:	Sensodyne
Do you have a cell phone?:	Yes
Do you have a curfew?:	I dunno
Who do you look up to?:
Are you a role model?:
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?:	No
What name brand do you wear the most?:	Um, it's all pretty much varied.
What kind of jewelry do you wear?:	Silver
What do you want pierced?:	Nothing
Do you like takin pictures?:	Yee
Do you like gettin your picture taken?:	Not really
Do you have a tan?:	Yes.. it's fading. But some wouldn't call it a tan because I'm pale as hell.
Do you get annoyed easily?:	No
Have you ever started a rumor?:	No
Do you have your own phone or phone line?:	No
Do you have your own pool?:	Yes
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?:	Lol um panties?
Do you have any siblings?:	1
Have you ever been played?:	No
Have you ever played anyone?:	No
Do you get along with your parents?:	Yes
How do you vent your anger?:	Music
Have you ever ran away?:	No
Have you ever been fired from a job?:	No
Do you even have a job?:	No
Do you daydream a lot?:	Yes
Do you run your mouth?:	No
What do you want a tattoo of?:	Dove, peace sign, lyrics
What do you have a tattoo of?:	Nothing yet
What does your ex bf/gf look like?:
What does your most recent crush look like?:	Jonnie from The Buried Life
Whats her/his name?:	I dunno
Are you rude?:	No
What was the last compliment you recieved?:
What is your heritage?:	Chinese descent, Mauritian
What is your lucky number?:	9
What does your hair look like right now?:	Up in a ponytail
Could you ever be a vegetarian?:	I think so
Describe your looks?:	Glasses, pale, pink cheeks/lips, uh I dunno.. lol.
Would you ever date someone younger than you?:	It depends how much younger
Would you ever date someone older than you?:	Yes
When was the last time you were drunk?:	Never
How many rings until you answer the phone?:	Two
Have you ever been skinny dipping?:	No
If yes, when was the last time?:
When was the last time you went on a date?:
Do you look more like your mother or father?:	Neither
Do you cry a lot?:	No
Do you ever cry to get your way?:	No
What phrase do you use most when on the phone?:	Allo?
Are you the romantic type?:	I dunno
Have you ever been chased by cops?:	No
What do you like most about your body?:	My curves and my booty
What do you like least about your body?:	My tummy and arms
When did you have your first crush?:	Kindergarten
When was the last time you threw up?:	Long time ago
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?:	Don't matter
Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly?:	No
What about cleavage?:	Lol no
Is your best friend a virgin?:	What the hell?
What theme does your room have?:	I dunno.. My walls are sea foam/mint green. And I have one wall with wallpaper. I have decals of buddha and "love conquers all". Home sense ? Like the store, I guess.
What size show do you wear?:	You mean SHOE, 8-8 1/2.
What is your screen name on AIM?:	Dun have one
How are you feeling right now?:	Good
When was the last time you were at a party?:	Long ago
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?:	No
What is one of your bad qualilties?:	Starting conversation
What is one of your good qualilties?:	Listening? Lol.
Would you marry for money?:	Eh
What do you drive?:	Nothing
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?:	Both
So?:
Well?:
When was the last time you cried in school?:	Grade 10
What kind of music do you like?:	Bon Iver, Butch Walker, Fairline, The Maine, The Tallest Man On Earth
Would you ever bungee jump?:	Yes
What is your worst fear?:	People leaving, loneliness
Would you ever join the army?:	No
Do you like cows?:	Lol sure
If you were to die today, what would you do?:	A lot of things I know I wouldn't regret
If you had one last word to say to someone before you die, what would it b?:	See you in another life.
Do you like to party?:	Eh
Hearts or broken hearts?:	Hearts
Moons or stars?:	Stars
Coke or pepsi?:	Coke
Favorite scent?:	My Roxy perfume. Smells amazingggg!
Favorite band?:	Bon Iver
Would you ever dye your hair red?:	Yes
How many languages can you speak?:	3
What time are you finishing this?:	619pm
You've been totally Bzoink*d! Take This Survey | Search Surveys | Create a Survey

To whomever reads this blog:

Thanks for your time.

'cause I know I'm not going crazy. I HAVE A HIT/VISITOR COUNTER.
But really, who reads this?!

Your mind is gone and you're drunk as hell.

And not necessarily intoxicated.

time

It's time to take control of my life: me, myself, and I.

I'm ready, I'm confident, I'm sure.

Everything that happens is from now on; this is pouring rain, this is paralyzed.

Because I can't and won't allow you to ruin shit for me. Hell no. We lead different lives now and thank goodness you're no longer part of mine and I'm no longer part of yours.

Have a nice life.

WE'LL BE ALRIGHT

ALL MIDDLE FINGERS IN THE AIR, AIR.
Definitely one of my top 3 favourite songs off Lazarus. Love you Travie and your hilarious facial expressions. You da best.

stable and breakable

Amidst assignments and due dates and exams and tests and essay-and-presentation-that-need-to-be-started-asap-before-march, I don't seem to have the time to even think anymore. Even when I am doing nothing, like on the bus rides from and to class, all I think about is homework. My mind has prioritized all this shit that are important, at least I think they are but sometimes I don't want to think about SCHOOL WORK.

I used to think and ponder about random shit when I had the time. This feels like forever ago that I last did so. My world has been eaten up by a sea of school work and piling assignments. I miss when my mind wasn't filled up to the brim with work.

When I'm not doing shit, just to take a short break, I think of shit I have to do next. I feel like I'm wasting my time.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Let's do this. Bring it on, bitch.

At Starbucks studying for my mini psyc quiz tomorrow. That peppermint mocha was good. Aw the barista was so nice. :)

So we took the bus together today. I have to say something next time. How do you talk to a stranger?! Haha. Help.

Yourlovewillbesafe(withme)

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization; it's the sound of the unlocking and lift away.

Steady, set go

Go and get it but don't lose yourself in the process.
Remember, don't lose yourself (again). You can't and you won't allow it.

I want it to be rewarding. Just this one time at least, please.

+
I hate it when I think I caught sight of somebody I knew, somebody I actually wanted to see in that particular circumstance, and it turns out that my mind was just playing tricks with my eyes or vice versa. I really did want to see you and maybe talk to you about anything and everything. You were a great conversationalist and that's what I admired most about you. You were genuinely nice.

I hope you even remember me because it would be extremely embarrassing if you didn't.
Story of my life. Ha.