Some people have serious trust issues. Or some people just like to feel in command, to be reminded that they are powerful. Some people create unnecessary complications for themselves. Some people think that others SHOULD know what they want and expect. Some people forget that we're human and humans have the right to make mistakes. Some people should take a long vacation. Some people should learn to not judge others' actions just so they could find errors in their doings and then humiliate them 'cause that shit feels damn good. Some people... some people... some freaking people.

SOME PEOPLE.

This was an ode written by me, to some people.
The end.

I'm happy.

That's all that matters.

Happy Birthday

to me.

Here's to 19 years of living. And many more to come.

Real eyes realize real lies

Last year, around this time, things were complicated.

But now, I can honestly say that I am happy. I've maintained a healthy lifestyle in terms of the type of people with whom I choose to associate myself.

I understand that starting literally from scratch isn't easy. I am learning that everyday.
Though I didn't think there was any hope left, I can see now that it's actually possible. And that genuinely good people exist. The ones with whom you can have the best conversations about anything and everything.

Let me just say this yet again (and I'm sure I'll repeat it one day), childhood friendships are the best friendships there is.
I'm thankful for the people I've met throughout my entire life.
I'm thankful for the people who I have met recently. Thank you.
Most of all, I'm thankful for my family. They are ultimately the only people you can rely on besides yourself.

I'm at a good-enough place. I'm working the entire summer. I love my co-workers and my job. I look forward to the next day and the day after that. It's great.

The healing will definitely take time but my heart is ready for whatever there is to come :)

I just ordered the Bon Iver, Bon Iver CD Deluxe Bundle!!!

HELL YEAH!!!!

The embarrassing moment of the day award goes to....

Me.

So a student called our office today and she spoke unbelievably quick that I thought she was speaking in Spanish. It made sense since my co-worker is Spanish and sometimes we get calls in Spanish. And she answers them.

To my embarrassment, the woman claimed that she was speaking in "French". That was humiliating and offensive for her.

Student: sjakhdsakjhawue letter of petition weinauiehwauiess!
Me: I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish. My co-worker's currently busy. If you could call back in a few minutes that would be great.
Student: What are you talking about? I was speaking in French. I don't even know any word in Spanish.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

I have found a sudden love for gardening. So I may just become the wife who spends countless summer weekends in the yard and perusing through the Home Depot garden centre.

I can't wait!! Haha

John Krasinski is a babe.

And

I just completed my first week of work. Unfortunately, (apparently), I'm receiving my pay in three weeks because of the date I started working, etc. BUT! on the bright side, it'll be a pretty big pay cheque :D

List of things to do/to buy:
- J. Campbell wedges or clogs
- More office attire: pants and blouses
- Apply for the Certificate programs
- Review my school work to submit for the Certificate program
- Bike ride more [except this will have to wait since it's going to rain for the next couple of days...]

At last

Today was the cherry on top of the cake. I am satisfied and full.

:)

UNBELIEVABLE

Just a thought: notice how Harper resembles a rat and everyone knows that rats are greedy. Hence, Harper's government has been wasting so much money!
We're stuck with Greedy Harper for another four years. Unfortunately.

The fact that Conservatives are the majority is disconcerting to me.

?

I don't understand why practically everyone is rejoicing over someone's death. Not to mention, a murder.

It appears to be a "relief" for a lot of people. But who's to say this hasn't triggered vengeance in others? His operation can definitely operate without his presence.

This still doesn't excuse the fact that many innocent lives have been lost in the past years.
Were the lives of these people worth losing for the destruction of ONE man?

By the way, the troops are not coming home (yet). The war is not over.
The question remains: will this solve anything?

As far as I'm concerned, violence is not the answer.

I need a little bit of faith, a little bit of hope and a little bit of everything.
I'm emotionally exhausted and spiritually drained.
Beyond.

I am older, I am bolder.

I wish...

- that I was accepted in the program I seriously died, in order to get in. (4 hours of my life gone...)
- that work would call already and let me know about my schedule.
- that school didn't finish so early. I miss doing SOMETHING with my life.
- that I was in Mauritius. Basking in the sun, in the warm, in family bonding, in dirty sidewalks, in polluted air, in people infested streets, in the bazaar, in the flea markets, in delicious food by the street, in buying from street vendors, in my grandpa's snack bar, in the Indian Ocean, in the sand, in simplicity.
I want to go back and visit. If I had the money, I would have definitely gone with my dad.
- that Bon Iver would come to Toronto for a show very soon so I could go with my sister and we could BASK in his beautiful music together.
- that last summer would come back to me.

In other random news, I watched Oprah yesterday. Love.
My hair has gotten lighter. Probably the citrus shampoo I've been using. Lemons make hair lighter, did'ya know?!
I bought a Spring men's jacket from UO for a whopping $9.99. It was $100. Ja right.

This fucking blows.

Temps printanier

I am enjoying the lovely warmer weather. That's probably one of the minor things I miss about living on a tropical island.

Today:
- I had my 45-min total body burn cardio workout! I love a good sweaty workout;
- I cooked some couscous to compliment leftover dinner for lunch;
- After lunch, my dad and I set up the gazebo;
- NOW: Tea and croissant.

Late Saturday Night Tunes

Bon Iver's "For Emma Forever Ago" record on repeat.

Today I:
- took a walk with my mom in the ravine
- ran some errands with my mom
- saw someone I didn't want to see
- basked in the beautiful Spring weather in my backyard (which consequently led me to having too much sun exposure) so I took a 3-hour nap
- studied for my psych exam

Quality over quantity.

It's more than a dream

Listening to what: Deyarmond Edison
Doing what: My last "first year" assignment. I'm actually, genuinely, enjoying writing this philo devoir. 4/8 pages, let's finish the remaining four pages!
Planning to do what later: Take a walk around the neighbourhood, start studying for my psych exam for Monday, fixing myself a plate for lunch, go through my course notes so I can get rid of them.

Edit 14:36pm
Doing what: Finishing up my philo paper, drinking my iced vanilla latte (delicious).

This time, last year

I'm not supposed to be here
No, I quite simply lost the time
And all these people gathered round me
No, they are no friends of mine.

CURRENTLY LOVING

1.
Being Erica - My sister and I have been obsessed with it ever since we started season 1 on Netflix. I don't know how I lived without it!! I love how it's all based in Toronto and they do it without shame too. I cannot wait for the fourth season. And Erin Karpluk is beautiful and amazing. Shiri Appleby and her are also practically voice twins. I miss LUX :(

2.
Geek eyewear glasses - I finally got them last friday. It was strange to get used to them at first. But I love it! And since they are transitions, they're the perfect "sunglasses".

News

1. HIRED! - Hell yes!
The perks of having an easy-going unorthodox employer who's interviewing you!
Training starts on April 12. It might be a minimum wage job but it's better than nothing.
2. Being Erica - I am practically in love with this show. Whoever came up with this concept is a genius. Erin Karpluk is amazing! Sebastian Pigott's voice is beautiful. It's kind of a less raspy Ray LaMontagne but still hauntingly beautiful. I've watched seasons 1 and 2. I can't wait to start the third one! Yay for Netflix.

PUTAIN DE MERDE!!!

Four hours later, I am done the entrance exam for my program. MY EYES ARE BURNING!!!!! Too long... staring at a computer screen......

For the record, I am incapable of responding rapidly to any comprehension questions in English to save my life. I took me an HOUR to answer the first question... in the meantime I had to answer two other English questions (both needing to be a paragraph long), make a 200 word summary of the article in French and a 500 word essay in French. I only had four hours to do it.

I CANNOT BELIEVE I WENT THROUGH THAT. AND THAT WAS HELL.
I SURVIVED.

On a much happier note, I have an interview tomorrow. Yay!
But I also have my french exam... which I am not looking forward to at all.

5/100 facts

1. I am 1/8 Mauritian Créole (Black) since my dad is a quarter (+ the rest, Chinese-mauritian) and my mom is 100% Chinese-mauritian, I guess this makes me 7/8 Chinese-mauritian and 1/8 Créole. However, I didn't inherit a nice tan... Pale as snow and the odd one in the family. :(
2. I'm very anti-Blackberry, anti-Facebook, anti-Twitter, anti-eReader, anti-anything-new-technology-etc. I'd prefer a phone call over a text any given day. I'd prefer face-to-face conversation over "Facebook" wall messages ANY day. I prefer smelling a book than reading it on a tablet. I'm tired of people relying on a piece of metal and always having the need to hold on to it every freaking second. F*CK BBMS. I'm tired of people wasting their time on Facebook and turning into stalkers with the need to know everything that is going on in other people's lives. (The number one reason why I deactivated my Facebook more than a year ago.) And I was fed up with pictures of drunk parties and rolling up joints. Extremely unnecessary. I mean come on, if we didn't have Facebook would you have shown the world those pictures? Hm yeah, by wearing it around your neck like à la Flavor Flave?
3. I could go to any Starbucks, to just sit down and breathe in the scent of coffee. Delicious.
4. My grandparents are my world and my everything. I love them both to death.
5. I am trying to lose 30 pounds. And I am succeeding. I already lost 10lbs! So initially, it was 40 lbs to lose... According to my BMI, I am no longer "obese class 1" but just "overweight". Success :)

Letters to old friends

I was going through some of my things today. I came across old cards and letters that were meant for old friends. And not a single sense of regret came flashing at me. Not even one.

Does that mean I'm over everything?
I think so. It's time to move forward.

~
Dear
x thank you for nearly six years of friendship. They were great, weren't they? Remember that camp trip? Remember the pictures? Remember the concert? Remember the talks we had? And the talks we never had? I wish we were more open with each other. I hope you're doing fine. I hope you've figured out what it is you want to do. And most importantly, I hope you're happy.
y thank you for three years of friendship. We had lots to talk about, lots to laugh about and lots to complain about. We went through a lot together. Maybe the last few months we shared weren't all that great, I am still thankful for you. I know you wanted to let me go as soon as we raced out those doors to move onto other things. It's understandable. Actually, not quite. But in a way, I get it.
a, b, c and d thank you for four years of friendship. Too bad we didn't leave it at a good note.
z thank you for those pre-high school days which I will forever cherish: the laughing about the stupidest things, the joking around (the lame jokes), the ranting, the making fun of teachers, the everything.

If you read this and think it's about you. Well, you're probably right.

Time to go.

I promise to study right after this...

What is your current obsession? Working out/losing weight (the healthy way, of course. Bottom line: staying fit and maintaing a healthy lifestyle), browsing online for shoes and clothes, watching Being Erica on Netflix, watching YouTube videos of "On n'demande qu'à en rire" because for someone reason TV5 is weeks late with the damn episodes what a piss off, DAVE FRANCO.
What is your weirdest obsession? Probably keeping up with whatever the Disney stars are doing... GUILTY!
What are you wearing today? Still in my pyjamas.
Why is today special? It's the weekend.
What would you like to learn to do? Sew.
What’s for dinner today? Ox tail with peanuts. Sounds weird but it's delicious.
What’s the last thing you bought? Maxi flowy hippie floral skirt from H&M for $9.95+tax.
What are you listening to right now? Rien. Nothing. Nada.
What is on your bedside table? I don't have one.
What is your most challenging goal right now? My program's entrance exam.
Where would you like to be? Right now? Greece or France or Italy. Or Mauritius. At the beach, in the mountains, any where my mind can rest.
Who is your favorite designer? Alexander Wang, Jeffrey Campbell, Elizabeth and James, Philip Lim, Chloé.
What would you like to have in your hands right now? A paycheque.
What would you like to get rid of? Negativity, meaning anything pertaining to it.
What are you gonna buy this week? Nothing.
If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be? Provence, France. Oh God what I would do to go there.
What did you dream of last night? I don't remember. I don't even know if I did have a dream.
What's in your bag? Cellphone, iPod, wallet, pack of tissue, tinted lipbalm.
What's your favorite colour? Seafoam/mint green, coral, turquoise, cream, black, grey, white, colours in the sea.
What is your dream job? Editor at a publishing company. Or translating books to French! Something along those lines. I want to write or have a job having to do with writing.
What are your plans for this summer? Working, reading, swimming in my pool, hopefully throw in some trips here and there with my family.
What is your favorite magazine? Nylon, anything regarding landscaping/home decor
If you could be a celebrity for one year, who would it be? Ellen Degeneres, Blake Lively, Miley Cyrus.
How do you picture yourself in ten years? Well, I'll be 29 years old by then. I'll be working, getting a career, and hopefully in love. And everything falling into its place.
Favorite item of clothing in your closet? The tribal pants from H&M that I have yet to fit in. MOTIVATED!!!

So this just hit me. By the end of next week, I will be done 3/5 of my courses.
ALMOST THERE.
DON'T GIVE UP.

I am honestly excited for next year... Looking at the course selections got me all giddy.
Except I'm going to die because that program is so intense. As if that wasn't a warning or evident in itself, I think I might actually consider doing a Major/Minor. The two programs just seem to compliment each other. It makes sense because they do, though. And it appears to be pertinent to me... It will open up to more job opportunities. I.e. Editor which is what I really really really want to do. (This is me convincing myself that it is possible...)
YAY TATIANA!!!!! YOU OVERACHIEVER YOU!

Drained

My level of energy right now is extremely limited.
I find myself yawning more and more as I near closer to the end of this school year.

And I'm still a little bit sick. I hate coughs.

I can imagine the moment
Breaking out through the silence
All the things that we both might say
And the heart, it will not be denied
'Til we're both on the same damn side
All the barriers blown away.

Dreams

My dream house: If not a loft in downtown Toronto. A nice house in my current neighbourhood with a big backyard so I can garden and a nice view in every room, like in our current house :) A lot of light, hardwood floors, built-in bookshelves, built-in bed, sky lights, etc.
My dream job: An éditrice for a magazine. Lou Lou? Elle Canada? FASHION magazine? Or something like that. But since I'm planning to be a translator, work for a pretty decent company, like a publishing firm. But some days, I'd rather open up a bistro/pastry shop in The Beach area. Kick back and relax.
My dream wardrobe: Black, grey (LOVE grey!), white, seafoams, corals (!!!), turquoises, navy blues, and possibly every colour in the sea.
My dream bag: Proenza Schouler PS1 extra large in blue suede, A. Wang Diego bucket bag in black, A. Wang backpack, Mulberry Alexa in black or oak, Balenciaga city bag
My dream shoes: Jeffrey Campbell Cayman sandals, Jeffrey Campbell Chaplin harness boot in black or brown. Miu Miu Sparrow heels! And anything JC.
My dream collection: jewelry. Lots of silver and gold. Rings! Chains! Bangles! Pamela Love and McQueen. Aaahh. And most probably, a big lipstick collection consisting of every shade and hue imaginable.
My dream vacation spot: Alaska. Australia. Mediterranean cruise or tour, Europe, most importantly France (again!), Italy, Austria (again!), Greece (!!!!), Spain, Belgium.
My dream life in 10 years: healthy and happy surrounded by my amazing family and amazing friends. Happily married and/or in a relationship with a lovely man. I'll be 29 years old in a decade. What.

Right now:

* Who knew "May Rush" would come back to haunt me.
If I survived 4 years, I can survive another four. (Aah good times... only now when reflecting upon it. But to live it again? Ja'right.)
* What would have been a lonely bus ride to class turned into an unexpected encounter with someone.
* Spring, get rid of your wind and grey skies. Let's see the sun and clear blue skies. Please. But birds, keep on chirping. I've missed ya.
* Yay for all-white outfits! White jeans, white sneakers, white tee. Only to make my already pale complexion stand out even MORE. Hahaha.
* I forgot how much I loathed taking the bus with other high school kids on. Not fun. At all.
* KID, next time say something. I don't bite ya know.
* I have so much shit to do. To study. To read. To write. I have yet to apply for my program for next year. WHY wasn't I informed that we could have taken that stupid "entrance exam" throughout the entire year.
Let's finish first year, please.

Dysfunctionality at its best, ladies and gentlemen.
Putting on a façade is what you all are best at. Pathetic and rather unfortunate.
Your mannerisms and ours are simply incompatible.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL COULD POSSIBLY BE GOING ON IN YOUR HEADS.

I just can't even...

Forget you, you and you and you and you and you and you all.

ABOUT ME SURVEY

Name: Tatiana Marie Véronique [insert three Chinese surnames here]. I have a long last name that consists of three different names. Yeah. As if one wasn't enough.

Birthday: May 26th, 1992

Birthplace: The beautiful and sunny island of Mauritius.

Current Location: Toronto, ON

Eye Colour: Muddy brown with a mix of muddy green. I don't even know.

Hair Colour: Dark brown with no light. And brown with sunlight.

Height: 5'6"

Left Handed or Right handed: Lefty! I can, however, cut with my right hand :)

Your Heritage: Mauritian (of Chinese descent and 1/8 Créole/Black - Yeah, I got some African in me! :D )

Your Best Physical Feature: I like my lips. Full enough but no gigantic. Great for lipstick, ya know.

Your Fears: They are the typical - being a letdown and a disappointment. Failing. And losing any one in my family. Being let down by someone else. Someone giving up on me. Let's be honest, it's happened before and I'm so fucking tired of that bullshit.

Are you Confident: I used to be extremely socially awkward. And now I think I've changed. It must be the fact that I am growing older or I got over the phase of the whole reserve introvert facade. So yes, I would say I am confident.

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Finish my first year with a decent GPA so I can get a decent scholarship. AND be accepted into the Translation program. And of course, be hired this summer. PLEASE! :)

Your Most Overused Phrase: WHAAT?! NO! (Yeah... that's pretty much what I say..)

What or Who Makes Life Worth Living: The people I live with. My family. Especially my grandparents. I love them.

Do you Think you are Smart: Yes.

What grade are you in: First year university. Almost done! I CAN'T WAIT.

Have you ever been Suspended: Naaw.

Do you have any Pets: A dirty white and dark gray Holland Lop named Bunbun. She's a cutie.

What’s your relationship status: Single.

Favorite Store: H&M, UO, Zara

Favorite Food: Greek, italian

Favorite Rapper/Singer: Singer, I'd say Justin Vernon.

Favorite Movies: I just watched Whip It recently. And loved it!!!

Favorite Color: Mint (the seafoam green)

Favorite Drink: Water, tea and Taro bubble tea.

Favorite Word(s): Pier, boots... Haha.

YOU'VE GOT THE STYLE

Couple of things:
* Athlete - must sync some of it back into my iPod. I miss them!
* You are too freaking attractive beyond words and comprehension. I'm not even making any sense. Um, will you be there next year? I hope so. Hahaha oh dear.
* PRINTEMPS! SPRING! HELLO, I SEE YOU!!! :)
* Tuesday and wednesday bus rides = the funniest.

NTS

Weigh in yesterday and I officially lost a total of 10 lbs!!!!!!!!! Yee' son.
Onto the next 30. Let's do this.
And by July-ish I'll have a new body. Aww yeah.

WHOEVER WAS DISTURBING ME WITH USELESS PHONE CALLS

in other words, prank calling.
FUCK YOU.

I'm trying to write a paper due thursday in peace and quiet while no one is even at home.
I don't give a fuck if you were indeed family "being funny". Little fuckers.
Some people have shit to do.

MAYBE, that's a slight maybe, if I were in a different situation, I'd take this lightly.

What am I most looking forward to:

a) Finishing my first year, b) Spring - blooming flowers, sunshine (and some rain), light jackets, colour, showing off my new bod. c) Working! Earning $$$. Someone hire me already, d) Days by the pool and in the pool.

But first, I must get my ass to work! I finished my intro paragraph for my problématique. Awwww yee'.

Presentation and 1 research paper DONE!
Remaining to-do: 1 philo paper, 1 problématique argumentative paper, 1 psychology research paper, 1 NATS test, 1 psych exam, 1 FRAN test, 1 FINAL FRAN exam.

Still so much shit to do.

BACK TO OUR ROOTS

The order I perceive and represent myself: 1) Mauritian, 2) Chinese descent, 3) Canadian.

Yesterday was pretty fun. But just like during any freaking event, I want to shove that microphone up the MC's ass. Really, whyyyy him? POURQUOI?!?!?!

Happy Independence Mauritius!
I miss you. I love you. You're always in my heart.
I'll never forget my childhood there.
We were together for 10 years but it feels like a lifetime. And now going onto our ninth year being apart, you're still a part of me.

Il ne me reste qu'un seul mois. Et hop! C'est fini!!!!

Next week: Monday presentation + research paper, Thursday test + paper.
End of March: 2 final tests.
April: 2 papers, 1 exam.

ALLONS-Y!

And so it is just like you said it would be

I can't take my mind off you
'Til I find somebody new.

Can I just say though, that you are the epitome of attractive.
Caramel skin, amazing cheekbones, beautiful ringlets, little but enough muscle to satisfy a girl, swagger walk.
Um and the fitted pants, pink sweater (which complimented all the right places of your upper body, just sayin') and the boat shoes combination made me stare in amazement.

Alright /end creepiness here.

Hearing these conversations, it's like I'm back in high school again. What the hell?
You'd think guys would grow wiser by then... Hahahahahahahahaha that's funny.

Laughter Yoga today:
3) Inner child, 2) Laughing for no particular reason. Laughing for laughing's sake, 1) Tired, relaxed, balance, overall great experience.

~ Another inch off the waist. 2 inches! I reached my goal. Now onto the next 2.
~ Skipping morning class today because of the OSAP presentations @ 3-4pm. If I didn't have night class then I would've gone to philo. I'm not freaking staying at school for 11 hours straight, with 2-3 hours intervals. HA. No.

123 STOP

+ Falling asleep in afternoon class. Um, it's a first. Usually morning class is freaking tiring/boring, altogether useless.
+ Being able to catch at least the opening of the Oscars last night. FRANCO! :)
+ Watching and rewatching the Kev Adams "FANTA" video. NON-STOP. And share it with everyone in my family and laugh so hard until I nearly die each and every time. Hahaha.

NOW: Waiting to head home. Only 25 mins left. My back hurts. My left hand still hurts. Freaking hell. That's my writing hand too.

DIE & SUCCEED

~ Interview II, done. I'm feeling good about this one. All the way in freaking Etobicoke. Yay for parents who love their children! (i.e. mine) Drop-off/pick-up.
~ Spicy Dragon on Friday
~ IKEA frozen yogurt on Saturday. Delicious.
~ Kev Adams vids on YouTube. Hahah
~ 5lbs lost! 1 inch off! I'm so freaking excited. Beyond proud of myself. Summer bod, here I come.

RING OUT

I stared in wordlessness.
I just kept noticing your mouth,
and how your face just fit.

PICK-ME-UPS

1. TV5 "On n'demande qu'à en rire" Mondays to Fridays @ 1PM. I come home from class, just in time for this show. Well with the exception of Mondays. Getting my munch on and laugh on at the same time. Not all the time... some of these people really do suck. Haha. Favourites: Kev Adams, Les Lascars Gays, Olivier de Benoist.
2. 1 girl 5 days. LOVE LOVE LOVE! :) Favourites: David, Dean, Philippe, Juan, Yerxa.
3. Ray LaMontagne. Any of his records. Favourite songs (of many): Burn, Forever My Friend, Let it be me, Jolene, Trouble, Crazy (Gnarls Barkley cover). Blast his record and any day is a good one. Honestly. Literally lifts up your spirit in an instant. :)
4. Justin Vernon (Bon Iver, Deyarmond Edison, J.D. Vernon, himself). His projects are freaking amazing. Every song. Favourites: Breathe, Skinny love, Blindsided, May 27th 1999, Creature Fear.
5. Watching outdated movies that remind me of my childhood. I watched the Lizzie McGuire Movie yesterday. Hahaha, I love that movie. And then we watched My Girl on friday night.

Nights like these

Lights dimmed low, Ivory's "Goodnight Goodbye" playing in the background, lying in bed and conversations on/about various topics.

MORE THINGS

- Reading week NOW. Because then I know that I'd be done my philo paper. And I could work freely on my NATS essay and presentation.
- Purchased a camel down toggle jacket for $19.99 + tax. FREAKIN' STEAL!
- Want Spring to come, now. I'm tired of snow. Shoveling. Walking in it. And shit.
- I need a pick-me-up. 1 girl 5 gays? On ne m'demande qu'à en rire? Yeah, whenever I can spare the time : ( which at the moment is quite minimal.
- Need to dye my hair. Again, when I can spare 20+ minutes.
- I need to finish knitting shit. Hahah. I'm infamous for starting to knit something and not finishing it.......
- I need mind sleep.

The interview went well, I think.
I passed the first part of the presentation.
And I think I aced the standard interview process by answering with logical responses, being clear and rational.

Full-time job in the summer would be a dream come true. Haha, that sounds pathetic but honestly, I'd rather be doing something than nothing. And why not make MONEY.
40 hours.

~
Dear guy with the nice fitting pants and beautiful ringlets and jaw structure and overall swagger,
Um, you are definitely, without a doubt, incredibly attractive.
Let's be friends?

THINGS

- A random guy in the hall said good morning to me. Haha, amazing. I swear no one pays attention to you on campus. THANK YOU :)
- Chitchats and laughs and complaints about the 11 being late and bus rides avec Chloé.
- Unexpected guest! Matthieu, the alcoholic, southern, stupid american. Haha. MADE MY DAY.
- I ALMOST lost my favourite beanie. Thank goodness I realized that it was missing.
- Interview this Saturday. Soon to be a summer working money $ maker.
- Deleting old e-mails from old friends. As in, the ones I no longer talk to. No longer.

Test tomorrow, paper and presentation on Monday, paper next Thursday.
Guess who's got a date with the reference library on Friday? YEEE YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER.

I am drowning in assignments.
I am beyond worried for my nutrition course. How can I honestly be doing so bad? I hope my mark goes up with the help of my paper and presentation and work sheets.
I applied to four different summer jobs. I am aiming for TZ and TBJ. Both are "outdoors". HOWEVER, pay for one of them is sooo much better.
I WILL GET THAT ONE. I HAVE TO. I WILL.

AT THE MOMENT

* Lady pains are being a real bitch. I woke up pain in distinctive areas of my body. MY KNEES, MY UTERUS!! Hahaha. Seriously, it hurts.
* On top of that, I have an argumentative paper to write due Sunday @ 18h.
* PLUS a four chapter test. Mind you it would have been FIVE if we didn't complain to her. She's insane, in the worst way possible.
* But, my cousin's 2-year-old daughter is around for the weekend. She's the cutest! And a great distraction :)

Thank you

Today I received a little package in the mail from my childhood best friend, who now resides in France. We haven't see each other, in person, in more than 8 years (since I left Mauritius). We reconnected, through the power of Facebook, about three years ago. I suppose I should be thankful for Facebook, but I am such a hater when it comes to that subject... Anyway.
I wrote to her for Christmas. I sent her something accompanied by a card and little writings of everything we shared during our childhood.
She wrote me back with kind words, just as kind as she is. When someone goes out of their way, sacrifices a certain amount of time for me, it makes me happy. She reminded me of how we met in elementary school. We went to the same pre-school but then found each other a few years later. I was sitting on the bench, quiet as usual but calm, and she was crying because she missed her mom. She approached me and asked me if we could be friends. We instantly became attached at the hip. Funny how a simple question could later blossom into something much bigger.

Thank you Emily. You are one of the rarest, most genuine, honest and kind-hearted people I have ever met in my eighteen years of living. Thank you for your kind words about me. Thank you :)
I hope that one of these days, we'll reunite in person.

Philosophie class today: priceless.
Sparks of knowledge, new discovery and overall "WTF?!"s.

LEAVE IT ALONE

Let's lock arms and shout to the sun:
look what we have done.

As per usual, mondays are long. My mind is falling asleep; I am tired. I am surrounded by chaos, noise: students talking amongst themselves, loudly. And it's just me fighting against noise and music and readings.

It's me and Justin Vernon against the world at the moment :)

FUN FACT!

NO ONE, I mean NO BODY, suspects me of being freaking Mauritian on Campus. WHAT THE HEEEELLLLLL, GUY!
Aren't my roots evident? OR what?
This is so sad... Cry cry cry.

The main level of our house smells so delicious right now. Oatmeal cookies and banana cake.
(:

GOOD NEWS FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE BAD NEWS

Satisfied with my mark for the first assignment :)

Tomorrow's plan:
- Breakfast
- Intense Workout
- Lunch
- Trip to the Salvation Army Thrift Store for the dollar sale!!!
- NATS homework
- Bake oatmeal white chocolate chip cookies.

Intense workout session: Zumba (40 mins cardio), six exercise workout, 3-tier squats, wrist weights.
Now: Waiting for my homemade granola to finish baking. Smells soooo good! Coconut and nuts and maple syrup! :)

LOVE LIKE A SUNSET

J'ADORE PHOENIX! :)

Obsessed with Napoleon Says just because it's filled with hilarity.

AND:
i.
RAFI GAVRON
Incredibly good looking.
ii. Besides being really really really bored and annoyed and overall moody in the afternoon due to the fact that I had to wait two hours and fifteen minutes until home, my last class was great. Loved the replacement prof!! He was too funny. And eff the people who didn't laugh!! YOU GUYS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR! Hell, maybe I just love to laugh..... but still. He was funny. I'm taking his african whatever class next year. Hahaha

Two hours of waiting in the student lounge. Fucking hell it's loud and exhausting. Eff you Mondays, I hatechu.

Change of plans

- Summer job: T.O. Zoo, Centreville or The Ex - basically somewhere you can interact with people and enjoy summer.
- MUST GO: Marineland, mini trips to the States.
- G1 permit (I know, this is laughable. I'm 18......)

TRUTH

Someday all this mess will make me laugh.
I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...

If I ever feel better,
Remind me to spend some good time with you.
You can give me your number,
When it's all over I'll let you know.

It's like somebody took my place;
I ain't even playing my own game.
The rules have changed well I didn't know.
There are things in my life I can't control.
- Phoenix.

Foreign films

are the absolute best.

Favourites as of late: L'heure d'été, Victor and Earth.

The perks of living near a Blockbuster and having a Favourite movie pass. The people who work there will recognize me as a familiar face. Haha. The walk to and from is good exercise. My maman and I walked through the snow storm yesterday, just for a movie. Hahah.

On another note: Juliette Binoche est très belle.

Feels like home

Homemade soup and movies: a great remedy for snow storms.

The passengers

He was sitting at the back of the bus, his eyes intently drowning in a book.

She sat down, across from him. Her back facing the side windows. At first, he hadn't noticed anything until he looked up to check the roads. There she was; sitting and daydreaming. Her skin was kissed by the cold dry winter air. And her cheeks were cherry red.

They both rode the bus in silence, each in their own world.

Before he got off at his stop, he took one last glance at her and he disappeared.

in the next six months

- make more.......
- meet someone great
- an overall B+ average
- get accepted into the translation program
- hop on a plane and just go.
- be continuously happy with myself, with my life, with everything.

It's nice when someone you know comes and unexpectedly says "Hello" before class starts because you were sitting and waiting alone and they just coincidentally arrived, alone, and in a sense, we both needed someone to literally talk to in that moment.
And by talk, yes I do mean literally have one-to-one conversations but every question is genuine and every answer is honest.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

To the guy on the west end of the room, stop staring at the girl on the east side of the room. That's just plain creepy. Every freaking Monday morning class.

Dude, put on your big boy boxers and go talk to her. I don't know if she notices but I fucking do. And frankly, I find that to be rather disconcerting.

What's new (this year):

- I've been wearing crimson lipstick practically everyday without feeling uncomfortable. I quite like my lips being that shade of red.
- I've been caring less and less about my hair. I don't want to cut it although it might desperately need a trim. I've been parting it in the middle for awhile now and I like it. I dyed it this supposedly purple brown colour but that was a bust. However, I did notice a change in colour; it's dark brown now and in the light, rather light brown. I don't know how... but whatever. I think I like it.
Somedays I'm just too lazy to bother wash it when it'll be covered anyway. I am always so tempted to just put it up in a bun and throw a beanie on. I don't care if I look like a freaking rastaman.
- I've been wearing my UGGS practically everyday. And you could say that there's a little bit of self-loathing whenever I wear them... So I ordered a pair of black Sorel's. (Finally.)
- HIPHOP ABS workout sessions almost everyday. Bought a weight scale, at LAST. And shovelling has also contributed to my daly workout.

Saturday lunch

Lunch, chitchats and laughter with the family in the kitchen. Papa and I eating at the countertop quite uncomfortably while Maman and Stephanie eat at the table.
We are honestly a really close family because we know that at the end of the day, we only have each other.
We are aware of each other's faults and imperfections as well as our (good) mannerisms. As a family should love unconditionally, we accept these qualities.

!

The new year, in terms of school work, has started out amazing. I received a B for that French course! Since I passed, I'm able to move on to the continual course. I passed my first university course! :) Haha

And the usually lonely and boring wednesday bus ride turned to unexpected chitchats and laughter with Chloé.
We've replaced the thursday rides with wednesday due to class changes, etc.
Two doses of Chloé in two consecutive days. Hollaaa. Haha.

New Year's

Bottle of Heineken and some banana cake and good company.

xo

2010 in bullets

- Lost touch with a few people
- Realized that the only people you can definitely rely on, for life, are your family and ultimately yourself
- Bonds with childhood friends are stronger than any other friendships
- Realized that friends who are miles away or a continent away make the time to stay in touch.
- New beginnings are the best
- Dyed my hair three shades lighter, meaning brown
- Then dyed it blueberry black months later and as per usual, the colour faded within a couple shampoos. Note to self: DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
- Suddenly found an admiration for rabbits like people have for dogs. It started out with Youtube videos. And then finally caved in and we bought a holland lop rabbit named Bunbun, She's three years old, almost four and she's cute and fat and furry. I was never an animal person. I had a dog when I was little but that was it. I didn't clean after it. But with this rabbit, it's like an episode of Dirty Jobs from Animal Planet. Cleaning her litter box and her cage and brushing her fur and taking her out to play and walking her and feeding her.
- Couldn't wait to get the fuck out of high school. HONESTLY.
- Graduated high school and promised myself that I wouldn't go back there again. (Sounds awful right? It's not like I hated my high school, I don't know why. I'm the kind of person that likes to move on to other things. But if my T.A. was still there, I would have definitely visited.)
- Became more outgoing in terms of speaking to other people. Perhaps even a little less socially awkward.
- Began a year in university and for the first time in 8 years, started a curriculum in French. I missed talking French every single day. Now I have the chance to do that. And not only speak it but being surrounded by it is amazing. Hearing French. Seeing French. Writing French. Reading French.
- Realized that my back-up plan was impossible. I ended up choosing translation over teaching. It might be a boring job, but I wouldn't be able to handle children in herds.
- Realized that my dream job: working for an editing house. Perhaps translating books to French? Or editing French pieces.
- Remained single yet again.
- Had the best summer of my entire 18 years of living.
- Had my first summer in our new house.
- I was chlorine infested. My pores were releasing chlorine. My hair was filthy chlorine and basically lived in my pool everyday during the summer.
- Finally received my Macbook.
- Met great people in university.
- Had the best Christmas ever. And Christmas break.
- Fell in love with philosophy yet again.

And the first thing I plan to do in 2011? Attempt to dye my hair tips an auburn brown, ombre-style according to Shenae Grimes pictures when she had darker hair.
It's a tradition. I dye my hair for every New Year.

A toast to

more memorable moments, love, peace, more encounters with great people, better solid friendships, intense real conversations, more laughter, more smiles, more success, more prosperity.

Above all, here's a toast to an even amazing year.

2011, bring it on.

I just finished my intro paragraph for my research paper on L'alimentation japonaise.

And it's not due until the end of march. Yeah that's right, my procrastination days are over.

:)

Merry Christmas! Joyeux Noël!

:)

T'was Christmas Eve

It strangely doesn't feel like Christmas Eve at all. No big family dinner, nothing.
We're probably going to watch a Christmas movie later, most likely Jingle All The Way. Haha. I love Sinbad in that movie!!

I can't sleep. (I don't wan't to sleep.) My mind is wandering to far away places. I wish they were good places where only positivity resides and the end result? Happiness.

For the past couple of months, I convinced myself that people come and go. In the end, all I have is myself. But fuck that loneliness crap. Feeling lonely is by far, the worst feeling ever. I felt it. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone - not even someone unpleasant and despiteful. No human being deserves it. Loneliness eats your heart away and slowly disintegrates your mind, body and soul. It makes you feel inhuman. You suddenly feel out of touch with the world and with yourself.

With the New Year in the horizon, I hope for acquaintances with good people, relationships/friendships with these acquaintances, love, peace (within myself) and all the good things life has to offer.

The TTC can be a real bitch sometimes.
The fucking 54 Lawrence Ave E bus took for-fucking-ever to come. AND WHEN IT DID, the bus was full. WHAT THE SHIT RIGHT?!
I waited half an hour or even more to get on that bus. Fucking people who came after me got on first. YOU KNOW WHY? I was carrying my dad's ginormous gift. He better be thankful for it when he opens it for Christmas 'cause I went through hell just to buy it.

Out of all days I decide to go out this week...
FUCK YOU TTC.

Life is great

Days without classes are amazing. Instead, my day consists of: shovelling snow if need be, listening to my collection of Ray LaMontagne albums on repeat, catching up on Modern Family, watching the Steven and Chris show, making my bed (finding the time to make it), wearing my hair up in a bun, and staying warm inside.

:)

I woke up at 5:47 AM to get a ride to campus with my aunt, JUST to drop off my philo paper.
I got to school at around 7:45 AM, dropped off my paper in the assignment box and left a happy camper.

I basically only spent around 20 minutes there. Haha.
But I decided to reward myself by going shopping downtown for Christmas presents and for myself.
Eaton's was a bust. So I went to Queen Street. I walked in the fucking cold for H&M and UO. AND wasted a token to go to Eaton's when I could have just gone to Queen Street in the first place.
I came out successful though. It's all good.

C'est fini!!!!!

Eight pages about the concept of happiness according to Aristotle entitled, "L'importance des vertus morales et des vertus intellectuelles dans le bonheur aristotélicien".

:) :) :)

Realization

Yesterday I accidentally walked into a woman's baby stroller. By accident, I mean she ignored my existence and walked right into me which consequently caused one of my feet getting caught in the stroller. I'm assuming she has never learned the principle of letting people pass in front of you if needed and vice-versa. Anyway, I apologized, like I always do if I accidentally bump into another human being. She apparently didn't hear me. Instantly, she starts to cuss at me loudly for the whole store to hear what just happened. "You fucking people, say fucking sorry. Bump into somebody, say fucking sorry. Shit."
I obviously had to say something 'cause this bitch was making a huge scene for fucking nothing. She wanted an Oscar, so I said: "I did say sorry. SORRY. SORRY. SORRY."
"No you didn't fucking say sorry."
"Yes I did. You didn't hear me."
"Yo, you better stop fucking running your mouth eh? Or I will fucking do something." Along these lines. In other words, this woman was threatening me in H&M which is conveniently located nearby the mall police. I was like to myself, "Are you fucking serious right now? The police are right there and I have a store filled with people who can be witnesses. Dumbass."
She proceeds to the cashier to pay her purchases and the cashier lady is the same ethnicity as her and she's all fucking nice and shit to her. Unbelievable.

I brush it off. I pay for my purchases and before I leave, a woman, the same ethnicity as the previous one, pulls me aside and says: "I just want to congratulate you for standing up to her." And I said, "Thank you. It's not like I meant to walk into her stroller." And she says, "I know. It's just some people are ignorant. I just wanted to congratulate you. You did a good thing."

That woman made my whole day.

Let me just say this: slavery is done. It has been done for a long time. Sure racism is still an issue but does that mean that you will always live a life filled with anger and assumptions that the whole fucking world is against you? NO ONE will have pity for you because of that. Holding grudges will not be of any help either. My people also went through injustice. Anyone of different skin colour went through the same thing. What about the Jews who went through the fucking Holocaust? I'm not ignoring the fact that these unfortunate events took place. I'm saying that we should all move on. It's the past.

Day 5 - My three favourite colours

In order of preference:
3. Camel (I love wearing neutrals)
2. Grey (Again, a neutral)
1. Sea foam/mint - my bedroom walls are this colour. I love how it reminds me of pistachio ice cream because it's my favourite. It's a happy colour.

Le bonheur selon Aristote (PROGRESS:)

4 pages completed. Four more to go. Half of the information is covered.

One exam demain and an 8 page philo paper due on Monday, then I'm FREE for the year.
Although it seemed that all hope was lost in the beginning of this semester, I am actually convinced that I will finish my French course with a A-/B+. THIS GIRL, IS ALL SMILES!!!!!
I CANNOT WAIT.

On another note today I went to talk to the student info people and turns out my back-up plan is impossible. It's either teaching or translation, not both. Fuck my life translation is 60-fucking-credits. I DUNNO WHAT TO DO. Seriously.

I "deliberated" (using philosophic terms here) on the different means (again, philosophic term) of getting a LIFE, basically and I decided.... to stick to translation. Screw double major... Maybe a minor in french studies but probably not. HAHAHAhahaHAHAH I'm going fucking crazy over here. Uh major in translation english/french. Bilingual Certificate of excellence and I'm good. EMPLOY ME PLEASE. Maybe an honours BA in translation. Then one of those other certificates. I DUNNO GUY, I DUNNNOOOOO.
I want to be une éditrice. Anything to do with writing, that's what I want to do. Honestly teaching was just a back-up plan. I don't know how to go about becoming une éditrice.... I could work for Radio Canada or something, right?

White carpet

It snowed last night unbeknownst to me and I woke up to a picturesque view out the window. Snow. Everywhere.

I usually complain about snow 'cause I hate slush with a passion. But I don't mind it this year much like everything else I use to dread.

silent signs

Silent signs,
I warm my cold november hands under your thighs.
Stop my shiver.
Honey that's me you hear roarin in your river
like how you hold me deep inside when currents quiver.
I'm reading your heart.
- Deyarmond Edison

Probably the best song about sex... Hands down.

Day 1 - My middle name and how I feel about it

Marie Véronique.
I have two middle names. I like Marie. But I don't really like Véronique. My full name is pretty multicultural. It transitions from Russian to French to Chinese. Haha.

I finished my French assignment. I can't freaking wait to be done with this course for the semester and move on to the continuing one. I NEED A FUCKING BREAK.

Just one test on Monday and an exam on Friday and I'm free until next year.

I'm reading your heart

It's funny how you can suddenly find yourself all alone, no one to rely on but yourself. You ask yourself, how the fuck did I get here? And most importantly, what the fuck happened? I tend to analyze things more than I should. I dissect everything until it's impossible just to figure out why and how certain events took place.

I grew up being surrounded by people I thought who cared about me and whom in return, I cared for. There were people present in the various phases of my life. They might have been different people as the years went by. But that still didn't change the fact that I had someone to turn to. The dependence and the reliability, they were guaranteed things. I didn't have to worry about those.

However, this year, I learned that yeah, life can be funny sometimes. The world you were once accustomed to can change quicker than you could ever imagine.

People will leave intentionally without a given reason. People will give up on you. As Shakespeare once said, "Things are not what they seem." Hell yeah, they're not.

I was let down. I was disappointed. And you could say, I was hopeless.
I didn't know what to do. It was the first time, in my eighteen years of living, that I was put in that situation. With time, I became more independent; self-reliable. Selfish in a good way.

I would always question why it had to happen to me in this stage of my life where such a thing is an asset. Honestly, I still don't know for sure. I'm guessing God, the powerful energies, this Universe, or whatever you want to call It, is helping me to grow stronger as a person. To explore not only the greatness of life but the downside part as well.

I was bitter about it. I can say now though, that I am not anymore. I have accepted it with open arms. So life, bring it the fuck on.

To those people that were once present at some point in my life, thank you for everything. Thank you for leaving.
To the people I have met since then, thank you for taking the time to just be there.
To the people I will meet in the near or far future, I can't wait until we do eventually meet.

We still won

"Forget drugs, leave rock'n'roll aside. It's love that gets us through. It's time that gets us through."

Here we are eighteen, wondering where the days have gone. Forever isn't a measurement of time; it simply means memories for our kind.

JEFFERSON STREET

She said, "Laugh all you can but you're never going to see these people again."

You were right.

So I was thoroughly convinced that I had a NATS test tomorrow. I wrote my notes and I panicked because there was so much shit to remember. 19 pages of notes and hours later, I find out that it's next week! I rejoiced.

Let this be a lesson learned that I should study all week long.

:)

+ In an interview, Jonnie said he liked philosophy and hated cats.
We are officially even more compatible, haha.

THE MAINE x THE BURIED LIFE

My life is complete :)