man

There's this man who lives in my condominium building and whenever I see him, he looks sad. Lonely and quiet and depressed. He spends his days sitting on a bench outside the building and slowly chain-smoking cigarettes. Sometimes after a smoke, he'll sit on the couch in the lobby and ponder about life. He watches the occasional passing cars and people. He seems to be waiting for someone or something to come by. Patiently sitting there but impatiently waiting. He looks miserable. He dresses himself in flannel shirts, in mostly too big clothes and wears beat up sneakers.

One day, while driving by the plaza on Kennedy and Lawrence, opposite of the Shoppers Drug Mart, I saw him searching through the plastic bags of clothing donations. The ones that were placed outside the drop box because it was filled up to the top. For him, it must've been ordinary to be hunting for clothes this way. A million thoughts and questions awoke at that point and I was left with unanswered questions.

I can't imagine how he pays the rent every month. Or how he manages to survive physically but particularly emotionally. He doesn't look healthy neither does his state of mind.

Despite his bizarre behaviour, I've seen him happy once before. He shaved that day, cleaned himself up a bit. He pulled out the only suit he had out of his closet. Black. A crisp, ironed dress shirt. White. A nice pair of black dress shoes. His eyes were alive. He was awake. And a smile was painted on his face. I wondered where he was going that day. Perhaps he was off to a job interview, my mother said. Seeing him this happy triggered a sense of hope in me. Maybe in the near or far future, he could be this happy every day.

However, the next day, he was at the same spot, sporting the same red flannel shirt he usually wears. And he was no longer alive. He was dead.

I can't help but feel sorry for him. I don't think it's the kind of pity you feel when you see a homeless person roaming around the streets and uttering words to themselves or begging for money because they have nothing. Absolutely nothing. No, it's something entirely different. It's more like sincere pity. It's earnest. True. Heartfelt.

Take, take your breath away

I've been listening to the Love Drunk album on repeat. Not a disappointment.

Favourite song to...
Blast when driving: Love Drunk
Listen to while riding the bus: Two is Better than One
Bang your head to: Contagious

Seventeen forever

We were seventeen and invincible,
had the world figured out
and the girl on my shoulder
told me "Everything's gonna be all right
and everything's gonna be all right."

Yeah, maybe we were in high school
But you never see the ending
When you're young and not pretending

~
This song pretty much sums everything up for me at the moment.

Re: If I only had the heart

two months ago,
i thought that i'd never see you again. or at least not for awhile.
so i've learned to accept that.

(last week)
but in the span of a week, i've seen you twice.
in two consecutive days.
at the same place.

and i am quite uncomfortable at the thought of me being overjoyed being in the same parameter as you.
we have never spoken a word to each other before,
that explains why i am a little creeped out.

see you around, L.

as of late

the weather is a disappointment. i wish for more sunny days, warm days, hot as hell days rather than cold and windy and cloudy.

~
i watched part of Chapter 27 today. Chapman was a psycho fellow.

over the summer

my once straight hair naturally turned wavy. it wasn't pinstraight but it was still straight. but i'm liking the change. and i grew out my hair from its awkward/hideous state.
i got inspired, motivated, whatever you want to call it, at j's and wished my usb was with me so i could keep on writing. haha. pathetic.
captured almost every waking moment through a camera lens.
jessi cruickshank, dan j levy, whassupppp!
nicole holness, daryn jones, paul the intern, SHEENA the racist, whassssup. haha. love sheena. "being accepted by people!" haha.
i bought a vintage bike for 35 dollars at a garage sale. i love him. i named him cream soda.
i did lots of bicycle riding and walking.
i lived in my sandals and birkenstocks.
i watched the time traveler's wife and was not disappointed at all.
i watched the goods and found it to be short but funny. "nobody told me that making love was so..... boring." "STOP IT. HE'S TEN!" hahah.
i took a swim in a nasty looking, sepia coloured, dirty lake in over 30-degree weather. it was hot as hell.
i searched for the backpack back and forth and at last, found it at a decent price. except the storeowner wouldn't let me pay with no tax which was a bit of a disappointment.
i tasted pie from wanda's pie in the sky at kensington. it wasn't the best pie. i hate sour cherries. and never get frozen yogurt from blue banana. dégueux.
i had the greatest two weeks with my best friend.

+ more..

Tea on the balcony

Maman et moi.

L'autobus

Elle était là devant moi, assise comfortablement dans sa poussette dans un autobus. Ses yeux bleues pales brillaient comme des étoiles. Elle était belle, mignone, si mignone. Son regard, sérieux et à la même fois, curieux, me faisait sourire. Elle ressemblait à une poupée parfaite. Une création de Dieu qui a été vraiment fabriquée avec élégance et précision. A mon avis, elle était la plus belle créature humaine que mes yeux ont jamais vu.

Tout à coup, elle fonça ses sourcils et ça, mesdames et messieurs, c'est ce qu'on appelle le regard fatal d'un bébé.

Elle ne cessait de me regarder, ses yeux fixés sur mon visage et les miens de même sur la sienne. Je ne voulais pas sortir de l'autobus. Je voulais rester là pour un bon bout de temps.

Mais hélas, le chauffeur s'était rendu à ma destination et j'ai du descendre.

C'est la vie (à l'instant)

Book.
Bright Shiny Morning.

Location.
Ottawa.

Environment.
Small, warm and surrounded by the best people.

Mood.
Happy as a clam.

Routine.
Day.
Wake up brush-and-bathe p'tit déj and wherever we feel like going.
Night.
Dinner movie book and good night's sleep.

Days remaning.
Four.

Days passed by.
Four.

First time away from home all by my lonesome and I am surviving to say the least.

If I only had the heart

To whomever it may concern:

I wish you luck, love, hope and all the happiness in the world. Maybe someday we'll meet again.

:)

~
If I could gather up the nerve
I'd put my feelings into words
And if I weren't so young, or stupid, or restless
I might be able to just soon forget this

But it's just fine
No, you can't save me
It's no fault but mine
Please just blame me.

Amoureuse

Talk to me,
I talk back.

time

You can stop time if you want. Just for a little while.
---
If you are, much like the rest of the population at Mary Ward, struggling through this week of hell, I wish you luck and lots of energy. You need 'em both if you want to survive.

If you're asking yourself why you go to this school in the first place, don't even bother. We've all tried to figure it out.
But I've come to conclusion that if you go to Ward, you're a retard :)
It's the truth.
And you turn out completely nutso. Guaranteed.

So, I'm a retard, you're a retard. Life is retarded.
Yessss, let's celebrate.

On another note, life is splendid if you listen to Austin Gibbs.

Tatiana, la sartrienne? Haha.

"Je vois les ongles - la seule chose de moi qui ne vit pas." - Jean-Paul Sartre.

~

"I see my nails - the only part of me that is dead." - Jean-Paul Sartre.

-----

I wish I could take philosophie again next year with Madame!

Realization

Today, my theory that most grade 8 girls are:
drama queens,
insane,
half-crazy,
highly unintelligent
and incredibly immature.

has been proven correct.

How unfortunate.
They make me laugh though, with their irrational behaviour and "threats" and lest not forget how much they know about loooove.

Coffee shop

I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you.
Yes there’s a chance that I’ve fallen quite hard over you.


Landon Pigg.

Year older and much wiser

Hi my name is Tatiana and today I turn 17.

Momma left me a note in my lunch box.
And gave me a tie-dye t-shirt. Heheh.
She knows me too well.

Home away from home

I have an incredible love-hate relationship with Scarborough.

Almost 7 years. I honestly can't believe it.

No surprise

Well,
it sucks to be you.

Sunday afternoon

This is how I spent my afternoon. It looks much more like him in real life, I promise. Haha.

I will be done my English course tomorrow. YEAAABWOIIIII!

nicest thing

The city comes alive, when you walk on by.
They're turning their heads for you.

Swokowski, your voice makes my world go round. Hah.

<3

A dead night at the art show results in self-timer pictures and ghetto-money-box tripod. Haha.
I love this girl with all my heart and soul. Heheh.
: )

Check out my "mm girl, pleeease" face.

Salam,
Tatiana.

Il fait trop chaud

Listening to some Damien Rice in this burning oven of a condominium. I can't wait 'til they turn on the a/c. And being surrounded by fifteen other people is not helping at all.

I saw a spaceship fly by your window
Did you see it disappear?

Inspiration

Grey Gardens

I loved the many outfits in this movie and everything else in it. Drew Barrymore was absolutely brilliant.

Grapevine fires

When it rains, I do math units and listen to Death cab on repeat.
Math is annoying as helllll. Be prepared for consecutive math tests, Tatiana. BE PREPARED.

+
And I've realized that I put too much effort into unnecessary things.

Wasted time

Riding the train at night is not scary at all. Maybe it's because I love riding the train, period. It gives me the chance to think. And catching a glimpse of the downtown lights is always therapeutic.

~

I'll enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. It's supposed to snow tomorrow. (Snow in April. Yeah, that's insane.)

Truth

I'll blame you, you'll blame me and we'll blame society.

*

: )

Maybe I am that girl who enjoys taking walks in the park when the sun is shining.

it's been a long time

Scarborough Bluffs

Trésor

"I am furiously digging for the treasure chest she has buried, was hers to own, but she's all alone."

Light

Life is at the beginning stages of its full potential.
And I'm more than satisfied with that.

Let's go back

I've always loved visiting Scarborough Memorial Museum.
I've been there countless times and it never ceases to amaze me.
I secretly wish that I lived in those houses, during those times. I think it'd be nice for a change.

Le printemps

"Well you're trees over me,
I'm the green green grass underneath
Don't you ever leave, don't ever leave me."

On se revoit à nouveau, le printemps. Mais il faut vraiment que tu bouges tes fesses un peu plus vite.

Amicalement,
- Tatiana

Cherish

"You look like a sunny day, when I look outside and it's storming."

Sunset

The sunset makes Scarborough look beautiful. (I'd never thought I'd say this.)

Love

:)

another year gone by