day 9 - my beliefs

I wouldn't call myself religious or a strong believer for that matter. For years I considered myself a "Catholic" because I was born a "Catholic" and participated/received in some sacraments. But after having analyzed, witnessed and made discoveries about certain things, I don't quite know what I consider myself now. I am still figuring it out. Though I don't think that it is a necessity to label myself in that department. I dislike labels, especially when it comes to religion like how some churches call themselves "Chinese (insert Christian religion here) church" or "Armenian (insert Christian religion here) church", are you fucking kidding me? Is that really needed? If we share the same religion, if we believe in the same things then the purpose of separation and segregating believers according to race or culture is completely contradictory.

I still go to mass. I try to avoid it when I can. I go to mass because of my parents. I don't understand why we go now because we never went when I was a kid. When we immigrated here eight years ago, we suddenly started. So I go. I have to or my Dad will go ape shit or bat shit, some kind of -shit on me.

One thing's for sure, I am not atheist. I definitely believe in God, a higher power/being that is a protector and a spiritual guide. I like Buddhist philosophies and principles. So my beliefs are a combination of both Christian Catholic and Buddhist beliefs, and sometimes existentialist philosophies, such as the likes of Jean-Paul Sartre. He might be cynical but that's what I love about him.

I tried to form a list of what I do and do not believe in. Here it goes:
i. God & Christ - like I said, I believe in a God. A higher power/being, that is omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient. He's forgiving, understand and accepting of all our perfections and imperfections.
ii. Heaven and Hell - both on Earth and above. Sort of like reincarnation, etc.
iii. Reincarnation - multiple lives/deja vu.
iv. Miracles
v. Karma - 'cause well, she's a big bitch.

That's about it... but to those non-believing big-ass-cross/rosary-wearing sonuvva bitches, FUCK YOU. You don't even believe in Christ, you're not even fucking Christian. Take that shit off. You don't have a legitimate reason to be wearing it.

keep on

We're searching for our saving grace.

f'd up

"Everyone feels cheated sometimes.
Yeah, we all feel a little fucked up sometimes."


I will be rotting in chlorine by the end of this summer. HELL TO THE FUCKING YEAH!!!!

colour

"We're just trying to find some colour in this
black and white world."

Currently, our household is filled with five other people, meaning that we are nine living under the same roof. It's like I'm a kid again, living with my grandparents, two uncles and my family.
This summer is all about figuring and sorting and filing my shit out. I can't allow the same things reoccur over and over again. I'm done. Aside from figuring shit out, I am loving my family more and more each day.

things left unsaid

For once, I don't want to be chasing people. I want to be chased.
I think the feeling would be nice.


So, fuck you if you've given up on me.
Fuck you for having no legitimate reason.
Fuck you for not caring as much as I did, because if you did, things wouldn't have turned out so ugly.
Fuck you for accusing me of something entirely fabricated in your head, because for your information, I did give a fuck and I wasn't saying shit just for the hell of it.
Fuck you for not having a single backbone in your body. You weakling piece of shit. Maybe you should try choosing your own actions instead of following other people's.
Fuck you for being ignorant.
And by pretending that I didn't exist when we were in the same perimeter just demonstrates how you all manage to act like a bunch of fifth graders. I'm sure you were shocked to see how well I was doing without you. It's called being independent, a thing you are not familiar with. Grow the fuck up.

day 5 - my definition of love

I hear it's a pretty amazing feeling. So I can't wait to experience it first hand, ha. But I think it's simply about accepting one's perfections and imperfections, for the most part that is.

day 4 - what you ate today

Breakfast: Toast and tea.
Lunch: Rice and chicken stew thing.
Dinner: KFC Boxmaster, chili chicken, rice, etc. Haha
The boxmaster is aight.

New things

1. Two tone grey oxfords, $24.90
2. Souvenir Faded Glory American tee, $3
3. Ralph Lauren messenger bag (it is so beautiful! I've been looking for a bag for university.) It's big enough to fit my macbook and notebooks.
4. Souvenir Australian Tee
5. Beanie, scarves.
6. Silver ring + bangle.

netherlands

I was rooting for you.
:(

day 1 - introducing myself

I am sometimes socially awkward. I used to be extremely shy, to the point where I'd never speak a word or run away to my parents. I'd like to think that I've improved and I honestly think I have. I want and need a job but I decided to wait until September because I'd rather go places with my family in the summer than work. I'm very family oriented; always have and always will. My grandparents are my favourite people in the world besides my own parents. I hope to find love like theirs someday.
As of recent, I am content with life and I can't complain.

the cosmos

My astrostar lamp/projector came in the mail the other day.
Can this get anymore hipster?!
But my room looks like the fucking galaxy, so I don't give a shit.
SUCK IT.

because we're getting old

We ended up going to Eaton's and UO only.
We couldn't take the heat, the sun, and the non-existence/absence of air.
Result: $9.99 BDG Jeans, $9.99 "La Course" tee.

summer time

Although my house is all air-conditioned and cold, I'd rather stay outside in my backyard where I can suffocate on hot air. In the pool all day, everyday, mo'fuuuuuu!
I can live off Haagen-Dasz, water and chlorine all season long.
That's right, it's summer time.


J will be here tomorrow at 2 o'clock-ish, can't wait!
(:

?!

I realized that mainstream shit is only acceptable to me during the summer. But once autumn's around the corner, I slowly start to form a hatred for radio. So until then, 99.9 Virgin Radio is on 24/7.

How f'ed up is that?

two kids

With her head laid on his lap and the way he gently stroke her hair, what seemed like life appeared unfamiliar to her. Their growing minds were drowning in absolute silence. Him, concentrating on every strand of hair on her tiny head and the softness of her mane. The repetitive movement was soothing. As for her, she relished his company and mere existence.

For as long she can remember, she was accustomed to uncertainty and fear swallowing her every being. Although he hadn't spoken a word, she could hear his thoughts:
Everything will be alright because in this universe, at this very waking moment, it's just you and I against the world. I'm here with you and you're here with me. That's all that really matters.

As he kissed her forehead, she closed her soft eyes and smiled. Knowing that he was reliable and kind-hearted assured her that whatever this was, this thing, or out-of-this-world connection they shared was unquestionably earnest.

tellin' you,

I'm drowning out,
I need a change.
'cause I don't really want to be here now.
Don't really want to be here now.

favthings

1. R-Patz hair on guys. Haha, who doesn't??!
2. Rolling up my pants/jeans and turning them cropped.
3. My black cowboy boots. They were not worth the three digit price but I love them. I wear them with practically everything. And they're surprisingly comfortable.
4. Guys with crooked smiles.
5. Miley Cyrus.
6. Rafi Gavron.
7. Lavender.
8. Reading other people's blogs.
9. Wedges, oxfords, canvas, sandals, boots.
10. Cut-outs in clothes. Especially back cut-outs.

in short

i. Enrollment appointment at Glendon. Bright and early at 8:45am! Six courses, let's go. I'm excited.
ii. "You're Mauritian aren't you?"
- "Yeah..."
~ "How do you know she is?"
"I just know.."
~ "Like by just looking at her...?"
"I saw her placement and then her last name. She's got three. So she's definitely Mauritian."
Haha. Highlight of my day. My YU card photo is sooooo bad...... oh well, stuck with it for another four.
iii. Congee Queen. Mmm turnips and chicken fried rice.
iv. We bought BunBun a harness and leash today. So I walked my rabbit like a dog. I cannot keep up with her. She cuuuuuute though.
v. Presently. Mood: Full and excited. Music: Shy - Ivory. Room/View: Bedroom/backyard. Next: Haagen Dasz ice cream.

Peace.

layers

LAYER 1: THE BASICS.

Name: Tatiana
Birth Date: May 26
Current Location: Toronto
Hair Colour: Odd shade of brown
Righty/Lefty: Lefty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: Losing something/someone.
Your dream of the perfect date: good food, good company, great spot. star gazing isn't that bad either :)

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: PANCAKES.
Your best physical feature: Lips, I guess. And sometimes my cheekbones when they decide to show themselves.
Your bed time: 10pm-12am
Your most missed memory: Childhood.

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coca Cola
McDonald’s or Burger King: McD's fries and BK whopper.
Single or Group Dates: Single.
Adidas or Nike: I don't really wear any. So none.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappucino.

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: Naaah b.
Cuss: Fuck fucking bitch asshole of a douchebag, FUCK YOU.
Take showers: No. Body odour forever.
Have a crush: Yes. Too bad I won't be seeing him like ever. Unless we coincidentally and conveniently happen to cross paths. It can happen! 'cause it did last year with someone else...
Like school: Yes
Believe in yourself: Sure.
Believe what goes around comes around: Karma
Believe everything happens for a reason: Not really... I'm an existentialist.
Think you’re a health freak: Hm, not overboard.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: Yes.
Been on stage: Grad stage, yeeeeeeyo.
Eaten sushi: Nope.
Been hurt: Nope.
Dyed your hair: Nope but I should get on that. My roots are showingggg.

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a game of strip poker: Totally.
Kissed the same sex: Nope
Changed who you were to fit in: Haven't we all?

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: 25-27.5 years. Haha.
Number of kids you’re planning on having: 3. And I'm good. Twins, even better.

LAYER 9: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: Reading shizz online
1 HOUR AGO: Petting my rabbit. Hahha
1 WEEK AGO: School, working on the grad slideshow.
1 YEAR AGO: Downtown Ottawa with J. Possibly watching K'Naan performing live @ Parliament Hill.

LAYER 10: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: bored and tired.
I HATE: being bored.
I HIDE: my shit.
I NEED: harem pants, more silver, more boots, JC wedges.
I LOVE: how almost every black person's reaction to knowing my name is this: "YO THAT'S A BLACK NAME! YOU'RE NOT EVEN BLACK." Hahaha first of all, it's Russian and second of all, technically yes I am. We're all from Africa :)